We promote updated mythologies to grapple with new difficulties.  Thus, it has been clear for some time that the Jesus of our age is Steve-O and the beneficent, all-seeing Lord is Whoopi Goldberg (Holy Ghost = Heath Ledger).  But the other figures in the pantheon are less certain.  A definitively beatific mother Mary, for instance, has yet to shine through (Susan Boyle?).  St. Paul the huckster apostle finds an obvious avatar in Joe Francis, but what of St. Peter?  And who will be our Mary Magdalene?

I think we may finally have the answer to the last question: Brooke Hogan.  Mary Magdalene, if you remember your Sunday school lessons, was a call girl whom everyone hated.  And they were throwing stuff at her until Jesus was like, yeah but let he who is without sin cast the first stone.  And they were like, I see your point Jesus, but I mean just look at this woman.  Anyway, yeah, Brooke Hogan.   She’s releasing a new album!  I think you will enjoy the album cover, ATJ.   Continue »

The first time I went into an adult chat room I was 15-years-old and curious. Without disclosing my age, I started up a conversation with a much older gentleman. Well, maybe gentleman isn’t the right term…. Continue »

Brooke Hogan is desperate to set the record straight on what sex she is, as evident in these pics of her flexing her cameltoe in what is undoubtedly an ensemble straight out of Heidi Montag’s fashion line for hookers.

Don’t let the split toe fool you though.  After reviewing the other photos I’ve concluded indefinitely that Brooke is Ken dressed in drag. He just hasn’t quite figured out how to tuck it properly yet.  Either that or her mons pubis is fluffier than Peter Rabbit’s cotton tail.

Here is Brooke and her thunder thighs in thigh-high boots during her hosting gig at the Sexy Schoolgirl Party at Pangaea Lounge over the weekend.

SplashNews, For Eric

More cameltoe action in 3…2…1…. Continue »

If you were concerned about opening your Playboy only to find Brooke Hogan dangling her d!ck and balls in a two-page centerfold spread, then fret not dear friends.

It has been announced that the 20-year-old daughter of Hulk Hogan has passed on the chance to prove she was born with a vagina by appearing nude in Playboy Magazine’s 55th Anniversary issue, an opportunity offered by the men’s publication back in July

“Brooke just didn’t feel that it was the right time,” her rep tells UsMagazine.com exclusively. “It’s not out of the question for the future, but we’ll have to see.”

Of course she’s waiting until the future… she needs to have a doctor cut off her nutsack before she men start gauging their eyes out left and right.  Those sex change operations take a while to heal, so don’t expect to see her nude anytime soon. Although maybe for a transgendered publication.  Isn’t that a scary thought?

More photos after the jump! Continue »

Brooke HOgan posted some fake mugshots on her MySpace page over the weekend.

The steroid aficionado then posted some stupid-ass blog hoping to hoard some more attention, which technically worked, if you consider people making fun of you quality attention.

The media ho wrote:

LOL poor press and clingy gossip lovers….

It’s so funny that the smallest thing I do can jack up everyones day…LOL sorry I ruined your little gossip world today people………or did I give you something else interesting to cling to for your boring worlds? Stay tuned! I might go shave my eyebrows tomorrow! Lets see what other fun things I can think of…um…. don’t you have a life to live? I know I do! Peace!

Love Always, Brooke

Don’t let the fabricated mugshots fool you.  Those bruises are very much real.

A friend of mine in Miami told me he tried hooking up with Brooke while in his drunken stupor over the weekend. Incidentally he wasn’t pleased when he discovered a hairy sack of nuts during his attempt to finger her, so he wound up c()ck slapping the crap out of her. Why, you ask?  Because unlike Hugh Grant, he’s not into trannies.  True story.

Brooke Hogan’s brother is locked up in jail, her father cheated on her mother, her mom is now dating a 19-year-old, and her music career is non existent.  What’s a girl to do? Sell your naked body for cash, that’s what!

While Playboy Magazine denies that she will be posing for their 55th Anniversary Issue, Brooke’s rep has confirmed that the 20-year-old reality star has been approached to pose nude for the magazine.

If Esquire somehow picked Jessica Simpson as the cover for their 75th anniversary issue I wouldn’t be surprised if Playboy did the same.  Why the hell do these no talented airheads keep getting picked?

Why not offer it to Halle Berry or Famke Janssen or some chick who men actually want to screw and women wish to be like?  Of course we know Brooke will pose nude in the end, if only to prove that she doesn’t have a penis.  She must read the things people post on her and cry herself to bed at night.

Note to Playboy: Please be sure to airbrush.

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Oh, Brooke.  Sigh.  How do I put this lightly?  What the f^ck are you wearing?!  SMH.

Check out these pics of Brooke Hogan performing at Club Mansion in Miami dressed as a tranny wearing an undersized corset and pink shimmery panties.  I keep waiting for her heels to give way from under her and for her to just collapse off the stage.

I’m guessing her dressing room has carnival fun mirrors because that’s the only reasonable explanation for having stepped out in public wearing this disaster of an outfit.

Truth be told, I don’t think Brooke is fat at all. But she is by no stretch of the imagination a small girl.  She needs to work with her body type, and considering how muscular and big-boned she is, size zero panties and corset will at no point flaunt her figure.

Honey, you need a new stylist even more than you need a new family.

More photos after the jump! Continue »

Brooke Hogan’s cleft chin and fake tetas have finally made it to the pages of Maxim Magazine.

I’d say she’s moving up in the world, but you and I both know if she’d applied as a Hometown Hottie these photos would be at the bottom of a dumpster somewhere.

By the way, does anyone else think it was kind of a dick move to put dog tags around a girl whose brother destroyed the life of a member of the US Military?

Classy move, Maxim.  What am I saying? This was probably Brooke’s way of “giving back” to the military community. SMH.

Pop star wannabe Brooke Hogan crashed her car while driving in Florida over the weekend. Hit while switching lanes, witnesses say the other car involved was speeding.

Following the accident, Brooke posted a blog on her MySpace page crediting her brother Nick Hogan and his comatose friend John Graziano for saving her life and that of her friend, whom was riding shotgun at the time of the crash.

What happened to my brother and our friend John was horrible and very hard for both of our families. But I truly believe my brother and John saved My life and my best friends life…. I don’t know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves… As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt.

As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn’t have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us. It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight. I have to thank my brother and my best friend John for teaching me an important lesson that saved our lives.

Brooke’s friend added some more bullshit to the blog saying,

~~~Hey this is Brookes friend and passenger, I just wanted to say that Brooke basically saved my life by making me wear my seat belt ….She is such a great friend and a good person! You all should know that! check out what I have to say on my MySpace… I’m on her top friends : La♥La

‘Check out what I have to say on my MySpace?’ Bitch, you’re not famous!  Even Brooke’s friend are delusional.

Ugh. Someone should pay Adnan Ghalib to start playing with Brooke’s clit. Maybe then the bitch will stop playing the victim and shut the hell up.

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