http://flisted.com Hot Celebrity Snatch Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:03:33 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ en hourly 1 http://www.gravatar.com/blavatar/b2777396757d45acaf7e20eded674e67?s=96&d=http://s.wordpress.com/i/buttonw-com.png http://flisted.com http://flisted.com/87723/cool-new-trick-to-impress-your-friends-involves-shoes-and-wine/ http://flisted.com/87723/cool-new-trick-to-impress-your-friends-involves-shoes-and-wine/#comments Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:11:52 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87723 ]]> http://flisted.com/87723/cool-new-trick-to-impress-your-friends-involves-shoes-and-wine/feed/ 1 Ben http://flisted.com/87713/tom-morellos-career-path-logically-proceeds-from-stripper-to-guitarist-for-rage-against-the-machine/ http://flisted.com/87713/tom-morellos-career-path-logically-proceeds-from-stripper-to-guitarist-for-rage-against-the-machine/#comments Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:33:29 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87713 Tom Morello, legendary Rage Against the Machine axe man, was once a young musician out there trying to get the paper as best he could.  And as it happens, they hand out quite a bit of paper at your friendly local Scores VIP Lounge.  Says he: When I graduated from Harvard and moved to Hollywood, I was unemployable [ed: uh?]. I was literally starving, so I had to work menial labour and, at one point, I even worked as an exotic dancer. ‘Brick House’ [by The Commodores] was my jam! I did bachelorette parties and I’d go down to my boxer shorts. Would I go further? All I can say is thank god it was in the time before YouTube! You could make decent money doing that job – people do what they have to do. A Harvard degree, guitar virtuosity, and an azz like a model?  "Literally starving."  Psh.  Tom Morello could make money on the moon.  More hilarity, ATJ.   ]]> http://flisted.com/87713/tom-morellos-career-path-logically-proceeds-from-stripper-to-guitarist-for-rage-against-the-machine/feed/ 0 Ben balls on parade http://flisted.com/87705/dont-make-mischa-barton-start-bringing-her-gat-to-the-club-again/ http://flisted.com/87705/dont-make-mischa-barton-start-bringing-her-gat-to-the-club-again/#comments Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:41:59 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87705 Let me be the first to admit that this is not a story.  It is just a series of vaguely nonsense details describing the type of non-event that happens in a bar and you retell it the next day, excitedly, as though it were an event, but it is not.  You always do this, and no one wants to hear your stupid stories! People want to hear Mischa Barton's stories, though.  (Literally.  People literally want to know about the things that Mischa Barton does.  Think about that.)  Anyway, Mischa Barton got in a bar fight over Halloween!  It was so crazy!  After the jump.   ]]> http://flisted.com/87705/dont-make-mischa-barton-start-bringing-her-gat-to-the-club-again/feed/ 0 Ben mischa barton will crush you, like insect http://flisted.com/87661/sexless-man-sues-over-lack-of-axe-effect/ http://flisted.com/87661/sexless-man-sues-over-lack-of-axe-effect/#comments Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:31:11 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87661 UPDATE: Thanks to commenter S for pointing out that this article originated at a site called "The Faking News," which I guess is sort an Indian Onion?  Another headline from the site is "Did Savita Bhabhi Know Too Much About Spectrum Allotment Scam?" so, yeah, obviously if I had seen that I would have known the entire thing was fake news.  Total egg-meet-face moment! The Axe Effect: when you spray AxeTM aerosol deodorant or rinse with AxeTM Body Wash and the new Axe Detailer Shower ToolTM, and moments later, beautiful women are thrown into a fit of disrobing, by your sporty, musky essence.  We've all been there, obviously.  For example, just this morning, I was dousing myself with Axe Cranberry SlayTM in my Axe Room (similar to a bathroom), when I hear this knock at the door.  I look through the peephole, and whoa!  It's a total girl!  When I open the door, she's like, I heard there was Red Bull Vodka and Auto-tuned music in here.  And I was like, bro, I was just about to mix a Red Bull Vodka (I showed her the bottle of Stoli in my non-Axe hand to corroborate this) and play a Trey Songz album! Anyway, one thing led to another, and pretty soon it was like Halloween night all over again: I was tired and alone and had had a reasonably good time!  Rocking! But it turns out that the Axe Effect doesn't work with all guys.  One man in India, in fact, is suing Lynx (the Indian Axe) for "depression and psychological damage" after using Lynx for seven years without romantic success...   ]]> http://flisted.com/87661/sexless-man-sues-over-lack-of-axe-effect/feed/ 1 Ben i often spray myself with blood for the "blood effect." it is a different effect to be sure, but no less effective, in its way. http://flisted.com/87640/celebrities-kind-of-suck-at-halloween-a-gallery-of-the-worst/ http://flisted.com/87640/celebrities-kind-of-suck-at-halloween-a-gallery-of-the-worst/#comments Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:55:36 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87640 [/caption] When you're answering a job posting on Craigslist for "celebrity needed," the requirements you have to meet are pretty lax, actually.  "Some or no education," "discreet at pre-noon drinking," "have a face that magazine camera scientists can work with," "can sign own name," etc. So should we really expect celebrities to come up with incisive, topical, and funny costumes for Halloween, considering the requisite celebrity skill set?  The answer is yes, because 1) some of these people have a good sense of humor or at least a good wardrobe guy, right? and 2) all of these people have so much damn money that they can waltz into a costume store and declare, "Hi, I'm Jamie Foxx, and for Halloween, I am going to be the recently unveiled experimental Ares IX Mars rocket.  The costume should be made entirely of regulation NASA parts, and I think it goes without saying that there should also be a motorized launchpad.  Please have it ready by 4."  So really, there's no excuse for these q-side Halloween get-ups.  Annotated gallery of the worst of celebrity Halloween (plus a few of the best), after the jump.   ]]> http://flisted.com/87640/celebrities-kind-of-suck-at-halloween-a-gallery-of-the-worst/feed/ 0 Ben Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt http://flisted.com/87608/worlds-biggest-cruise-ship-sets-sail/ http://flisted.com/87608/worlds-biggest-cruise-ship-sets-sail/#comments Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:14:23 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87608 At sixteen stories, Royal Caribbean's Oasis of the Seas is 50% bigger than the next-biggest cruise liner in the world.  "A turf-covered chip and putt course, the world's first open-air amphitheater, two surfing simulators, twenty-one swimming pools, and a zipwire."  Also an indoor basketball court, a shopping mall, an "adults-only solarium," and a carousel.  That's what's up.  This colossus can hold 6,000 passengers, runs 1,600 feet long, and cost $1.5 billion to construct.  We're getting to the point when the question must be asked: at what size does it stop being "a ship" and start being "movable Jamaica"? The Oasis left its shipyard in Finland today, on its way to Miami, its future port of departure.  Video of this giant seaborne wedding cake, plus the best amenity of all, after the jump.   ]]> http://flisted.com/87608/worlds-biggest-cruise-ship-sets-sail/feed/ 1 Ben the S.S. Please Let The Recession Be Over http://flisted.com/87520/mr-b-the-gentleman-rhymer-schools-you-in-chap-hop-history/ http://flisted.com/87520/mr-b-the-gentleman-rhymer-schools-you-in-chap-hop-history/#comments Wed, 28 Oct 2009 13:52:50 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87520 You are welcome to dislike this video of a foppish fellow spitting hot fire in the Queen's perfect English.  It wouldn't be hard.  White people covering extremely mainstream rap in a jokey, square way is pretty played-out, by and large.  But white people covering extremely mainstream rap in a jokey, square way accompanied by a banjo for little people?  Still a gimmick!  But all those things in the form of a man wearing a twirling mustache and smoking a pipe?  I mean, you can try to stay real in the face of so many delightful novelty hijinks piled one on top of the other here, but delightful novelty hijinks are like bees, in that you can groan and roll your eyes at one or two of them, but when a giant, seething, thundering wall of them topples you over, you can't help but crack a smile.  Now pretend that analogy is logically correct and watch "Chap-Hop History," a medley of rap by Mr. B, The Gentleman Rhymer, after the jump.   ]]> http://flisted.com/87520/mr-b-the-gentleman-rhymer-schools-you-in-chap-hop-history/feed/ 1 Ben dandye west http://flisted.com/87243/the-law-finally-brings-down-dancing-quiznos-man/ http://flisted.com/87243/the-law-finally-brings-down-dancing-quiznos-man/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2009 20:46:51 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87243 It's not that far-fetched that a sandwich-board man reeling over a bridge rail in Kentucky might be there for self-killing purposes.  So when Jeremy Johnson whirled around on the edge of a Pennyrile Parkway bridge with a Quiznos sign and a lit cigarette, motorists passing beneath called the police. Police then cited Johnson for disorderly conduct, but Johnson told the press that he was on a work break.  Drivers were honking and waving to him, so he had no real choice but to dance back.  "You don't understand, officer.  When the Underpass Trolls make their grotesque faces and curse gestures at me, the only way I can fight them is with the Bridge Dance!" Quiznos, however, responded a bit differently...   ]]> http://flisted.com/87243/the-law-finally-brings-down-dancing-quiznos-man/feed/ 0 Ben "Car 504 to station. We got Quizzy. Over and out." http://flisted.com/87229/stupid-celebrity-gift-ideas-happy-birthday-katy-perry-edition/ http://flisted.com/87229/stupid-celebrity-gift-ideas-happy-birthday-katy-perry-edition/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:21:48 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87229 What do you get for the girl who has everything?  If you think buying gifts for your gal is hard, imagine if she were a celebrity.  You can only buy so many Hummers before the Hummer Room is full and/or you've already gone through all the factory colors.  You can only destroy so many island resort penthouses with her in a days-long happy birthday cocaine rage before the other island resorts start to wonder if hosting a celebrity couple is worth replacing all the plasma screens that wind up the Jacuzzi.  You can only pay $36 million upfront to send her up on the shuttle as a space tourist only to have her back out of flight training because the zero-gravity chamber gives her hair split ends, before you start running out of $36 million sums of money. So give credit to British comedian/VJ/wanker/tosser/cobbler (new British insult for lazy and doltish individuals) Russell Brand, who has procured a most unusual gift for his lady Katy Perry on the occasion of her 25th birthday.  He got her...   ]]> http://flisted.com/87229/stupid-celebrity-gift-ideas-happy-birthday-katy-perry-edition/feed/ 1 Ben love is walking hand in hand through the robot petting zoo http://flisted.com/87048/soulja-boy-faces-grown-up-problems/ http://flisted.com/87048/soulja-boy-faces-grown-up-problems/#comments Wed, 14 Oct 2009 16:09:02 +0000 Ben http://flisted.com/?p=87048 Here is the problem with having millions of dollars when you are 19: you don't know what to do with the money.  I mean, you certainly think you know what to do with the money, and you do that accordingly, but what you did with the money was not, in fact, the right thing to do with the money.  So you have Soulja Boy (Tell Em), a 19-year-old who has probably made more money than you or I will ever see in our lives, turning his debt on. SB is renting out an apartment in L.A. and according to his landlord he's been skipping out on rent. The property owner has filed paper work against him alleging that he owes over $9,300 in unpaid rent and late fees. Rent?  Late fees?  "Paper work"?  Look, he's not billing himself as "Soulja Adult Tell Em."  There will be plenty of time later for rent and late fees and divorce and getting into wine and complaining about taxes and grappling with the deaths of family members.  When you're 19, you should be free to spend your allowance on popsicles and remote-controlled cars and the cinema and low-quality condoms.  I fear we've all deprived Soulja Boy of a childhood, by buying his ringtones.  We probably should not have done that.  Pertinent: a video of Soulja Boy's diamond-studded toy Lamborghini, after the jump (has swearing in it!).   ]]> http://flisted.com/87048/soulja-boy-faces-grown-up-problems/feed/ 1 Ben at some point you must accept your responsibilities as a soulja man