…I figured you might want to know that d*cktowel.com is now live.  My roommate Dan who also works for the internet looked up the URL last night during the show.  There was no site (“Did you mean ‘d*cktrowel.com’?”), but he checked again today, and whoa, so many MS Paint penises!  Includes a bonus video from the Always Sunny dudes.  ”A girl with the towel on works too.”

As the site exhorts, “Join D*ck Towel Nation!”  It appears you can actually order as well.

Nothing about this is safe for work: d*cktowel.com.

Ah, the British.  Give Britain’s millions of wayward youths (chavs, wankers, you know the ones) credit for doing their darnedest to erase the international Anglo image of expensive hats, peerages, and porcelain clocks.  In ten years, when we think “U.K.” it’ll be casual sex, knife fights, and reckless drinking.  This story more or less summarizes the story of Future Britain: Miss England, Rachel Christie, attacked Miss Manchester, Sara Beverley Jones, in the wee hours at a nightclub.

Miss England has relinquished her crown.  The fight was over a man.  His name is “Tornado,” and he is the British equivalent of an American Gladiator.  More details, ATJ: Continue »

So.  Chris Brown’s interview on MTV and Rihanna’s interview on 20/20 will both air tomorrow (Friday), and this thing is looking to be a barnburner, folks.  A short clip of Rihanna’s segment with Diane Sawyer has been released, and it’s pretty damning.  A few of Rihanna’s claims:

• CORRECTION: You in the comments are right – it is not clear in the clip whether Rihanna is saying she herself was beat eight or nine times.  We’ll see tomorrow, I guess.
• Rihanna was embarrassed to confide in anyone about the violence because she “didn’t want people to think that’s the kind of person… I fell in love with that person.  It’s humiliating to say this happened. To accept that? It’s a traumatizing experience.”
• Rihanna left Chris because she felt an obligation as a role model to show girls that domestic abuse is never acceptable: “Any girl who is going through domestic violence: Don’t react off of love. F love. To come out of the situation and look at it third-person and for what it really is, you then make your decision. Because love is so blinding.”

How does Brown plan to address this?  And why Rihanna’s decision to drop these bombs now?  Well…   Continue »

Skip to about halfway through the video, watch it, and don’t ever say I never did anything for you.

Are these guys speaking Russian?  I think they are, because in Soviet Russia… drinking has YOU problem!

Actually no, it works the same way over there as it does here.  But speaking of problems, has anyone been watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew?  Those people have a really problematic amount of sex!  They’re like, “It’s ruining my life, the fact that I have sex with so many women all the time.”  On the one hand, addiction is a very serious and traumatic psychological condition suffered by millions of Americans every day.  On the other hand, f*ck you, xtreme athlete who wears sunglasses inside and brings his damn surfboard to rehab.

Via VideoSift.

Fascinating study here from Ad Age that more or less confirms your predilections and prejudices about different beer brands.  A company called Mindset Media polled over 2,000 beer drinkers about their lifestyles.  Some of the data is not surprising (Bud Light is favored by “frat boys”!), but some of it validates more elusive stereotypes you sort of identified but never could quite articulate: “Corona drinkers are 91% more likely than average to buy recycled products and 38% more likely to own three or more flat-screen TVs.”  Corona, the beer of choice for the wealthy, kind, happy, thoughtful people you hate.

But what of Budweiser, Heineken, and craft beers?  After the jump.   Continue »

Tom Morello, legendary Rage Against the Machine axe man, was once a young musician out there trying to get the paper as best he could.  And as it happens, they hand out quite a bit of paper at your friendly local Scores VIP Lounge.  Says he:

When I graduated from Harvard and moved to Hollywood, I was unemployable [ed: uh?]. I was literally starving, so I had to work menial labour and, at one point, I even worked as an exotic dancer. ‘Brick House’ [by The Commodores] was my jam! I did bachelorette parties and I’d go down to my boxer shorts. Would I go further? All I can say is thank god it was in the time before YouTube! You could make decent money doing that job – people do what they have to do.

A Harvard degree, guitar virtuosity, and an azz like a model?  ”Literally starving.”  Psh.  Tom Morello could make money on the moon.  More hilarity, ATJ.   Continue »

This is kind of funny.  Sorry, what I meant to say is, “Breaking the law is never funny.”  But if it were, ever, this might be one of those times.  CNN examines three cases of self-calling intoxication, two in which a drunk driver reports his or her own crime to 911 and one in which a cop who ate a bunch of confiscated weed thinks he is dying.  Although CNN does end it rather judgmentally: those who are without sin, cast the first stone and such.  Hey, guess what, CNN?  I don’t drink and drive.  I resent the implication that I have enough money to own a motor vehicle.

Via The Frisky.

Let me be the first to admit that this is not a story.  It is just a series of vaguely nonsense details describing the type of non-event that happens in a bar and you retell it the next day, excitedly, as though it were an event, but it is not.  You always do this, and no one wants to hear your stupid stories!

People want to hear Mischa Barton’s stories, though.  (Literally.  People literally want to know about the things that Mischa Barton does.  Think about that.)  Anyway, Mischa Barton got in a bar fight over Halloween!  It was so crazy!  After the jump.   Continue »

Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam give Halloween the full Devo treatment at a Philadelphia performance.  Classic, timeless music from great musical artists.  And Pearl Jam aren’t bad either!  Dumb as a Blog suggests a few other bands-on-bands Halloween ideas: E Street Band as KISS and Jonas Brothers as ZZ Top would be pretty wonderful, but I’d also like to see

• Matisyahu as Toby Keith
• Black Flag as the Bangles
• Buckethead as Deadmau5
• Aubrey O’Day as Slutty Johann Sebastian Bach
• Hanson as Manson

UPDATE: Thanks to commenter S for pointing out that this article originated at a site called “The Faking News,” which I guess is sort an Indian Onion?  Another headline from the site is “Did Savita Bhabhi Know Too Much About Spectrum Allotment Scam?” so, yeah, obviously if I had seen that I would have known the entire thing was fake news.  Total egg-meet-face moment!

The Axe Effect: when you spray AxeTM aerosol deodorant or rinse with AxeTM Body Wash and the new Axe Detailer Shower ToolTM, and moments later, beautiful women are thrown into a fit of disrobing, by your sporty, musky essence.  We’ve all been there, obviously.  For example, just this morning, I was dousing myself with Axe Cranberry SlayTM in my Axe Room (similar to a bathroom), when I hear this knock at the door.  I look through the peephole, and whoa!  It’s a total girl!  When I open the door, she’s like, I heard there was Red Bull Vodka and Auto-tuned music in here.  And I was like, bro, I was just about to mix a Red Bull Vodka (I showed her the bottle of Stoli in my non-Axe hand to corroborate this) and play a Trey Songz album!

Anyway, one thing led to another, and pretty soon it was like Halloween night all over again: I was tired and alone and had had a reasonably good time!  Rocking!

But it turns out that the Axe Effect doesn’t work with all guys.  One man in India, in fact, is suing Lynx (the Indian Axe) for ”depression and psychological damage” after using Lynx for seven years without romantic success…   Continue »