Light beer, tomato juice, and clam extract?  Sounds like a party – a party that I would leave immediately and stand in the yard telling other guest arrivals how much it sucked inside.  But apparently the Budweiser (or Bud Light) and Clamato Chelada somehow got out approved by Anheuser-Busch tastemakers, because it’s out there for the buying.  (You know the folks at Clamato were not the limiting factor in green-lighting this partnership, because they had basically met every need that existed in the market for tomato juice with with a funny clam essence in it.  The demand for gross pasta sauces and Bloody Marys that taste worse than regular Bloody Marys remains pretty much static.)

Anyway, Chelada.  Some say it is bad, but just because an opinion is correct doesn’t mean you have to have it!  One especially vehement gent disagrees:   Continue »

If you’re anything like me, you go to Ben & Jerry’s, eat your ice cream, and then fill out all the comment cards with “NEEDS MORE VIAGRA AND LIQUOR” and put them in the “How Are We Doing?” box.  So you’ll be relieved to learn that someone out there was listening.  At a place in London called The Icecreamists, you can get this:

Entitled The Sex Pistol, this bespoke creation is served as an ice cream cocktail and it’s claimed to have similar effects to the libido-boosting drug Viagra. It contains ingredients such as ginkgo, biloba, arginine and guarana and is served with a shot of the highly intoxicating La Fee Absinthe, so it’s guaranteed to get your blood pumping. Customers are limited to one serving per person.

Servers also have to be especially careful about keeping orders straight.  ”Wait, chocolate with gummy worms – this isn’t what I ordered.  Oh well.  But if I got the chocolate with gummy worms ice cream, who got my sexual stimulant with hallucinogenic liquor ice cream?  Oh God, where’s Timmy?!”   Continue »

Hello, and welcome to today.  As I type this, I glance down and see an empty can of Joose Flavored Malt Beverage at my feet.  There it is.  I wrote about Joose yesterday, and how I was going to drink Joose last night.  Spoiler alert: I did.  I kept a Joose Journal as I was drinking it so that you can know whether I recommend it or not.  Spoiler alert: I do.

7:45 PM: I return to the local store to purchase more Joose for the weekend.  A friend has requested that it appear at a party, after reading my last post.  I’m at the checkout line with seven 24 oz. cans of Joose Dragon Flavor and nothing else in my basket.  The woman behind me is about my Mom’s age, maybe a little older.  She asks what Joose is, and I tell her it’s like “a beer energy drink” (only later will I learn it is not at all like beer).  She thinks the label looks like it was designed by “a high schooler doodling in the margins of his notebook.”  I assure her that many high schoolers enjoy drinking Joose.  The price is $23.14 with tax.

8:02: The Joose is begun…   Continue »

Everyone heard the rumor about Sparks being outlawed, right?  The rumor takes various shapes, but usually the given reason is that it looks like a kiddie drink, or it looks like a study-time energy drink, or it has 6-7% alcohol by volume plus your brain cells are doing a mosh pit in the caffeine.  Well, Sparks was never outlawed, though Miller did drain some of the venom from it.

But a quick trip to the market yesterday to buy Boar’s Head Cajun Turkey (endorsement: the most audacious lunch meat being made today in its price class) revealed to me that Sparks is the least of our worries.  There is now a 24 oz monstrosity called “Joose” sitting in my fridge rack and every time I go in there to get something to eat, it’s staring me down like, I am going to sodomize your heart and kidneys with caffeine, taurine, ginseng, 9.9% alcohol by volume, and natural flavors.

I am going to drink it tonight.

But Joose, which has its own mixtape, is not even the most roided out energy booze.  That distinction belongs to…   Continue »

I’m like the kosher of not eating bacon, and also like a teetotaler of not drinking beer.  Does that make sense?  If not, it really only reinforces my point.  What I’m trying to say is, bacon beer is a wonderful idea and I would like to welcome it into my life a lot.  It’s not ready yet, and these things can’t be rushed (you can drink some Bakon Vodka in the meantime), but here’s what we can hope for from the Brooklyn Brewery’s brewmaster Garrett Oliver:

A special malt that was smoked in the same room with some of the bacon made by the legendary Allan Benton. “It’s almost terrifying how much the malt smells like bacon,” Mr. Oliver said.

(Legendary in the bacon world, is what is meant there.)  But the beer will also be infused with actual bacon fat…   Continue »

Adfreak, which spends a lot of time thinking about commercials, says yes, possibly.  It is a “Keep Walking” ad for Johnnie Walker.  Old school, because because it’s filmed in the drabber, more scotch-y parts of Scotland and talks up JW’s heritage and tradition (as scotch/whisky ads tend to).  Innovative, because it is a five-minute YouTube ad with a simple conceit and no punchline, yet it makes you want to keep hearing about scotch whisky, JW specifically.  Also, the entire monologue was done in one take by actor Robert Carlyle, whom you will know as the bad guy in The World Is Not Enough or the mustachioed sociopath in Trainspotting.

It’s interesting, I think, so if you like interesting, you may like it.  On the other hand, Evan Williams fo life!  That’s a little joke for those of you who are poor but like to drink a lot.  Ad, ATJ! Continue »

In these economically bummersome times, thrifty spenders are looking for innovative new ways to drink their cheap beer even more cheaply.  MillerCoors LLC, maker of, uh, Miller and Coors, has just released the new Home Draft package, which is a 1.5 gallon box of beer that fits in your fridge.  It has a tap on it, keeps beer fresh and draft-y tasting for up to 30 days, and comes in two flavors, Miller Light and Coors Light.

This in the wake of other industrial strength beer dispensers for the mass consumption nights, the Heineken mini-keg being the most prominent.  Which of these gives you the best beering experience for your buck?  Rundown, after the jump.   Continue »

Here’s the ingredient list for the new Coke Vio, which is still an experimental product:

The drink contains skimmed milk mixed with sparking water, flavoured with fruit and sweetened with cane sugar.

Delicious!  It’s like my heart’s telling me no, but my body’s telling me no, also!  It is supposed to taste “like a birthday party for a polar bear,” according to one spin guy.  Some actual consumer reviews are in, however…   Continue »

Update to the Sprite-facial commercial that has drenched the internet over the last few days.

The story now has a story: first the ad was from the Coca-Cola company, and was released in Germany.  Then it was supposedly banned.

Finally, the NY Press phoned up the young gentleman in the ad who plays the Sprite-to-face deliveryman…  Video reposted after the jump, if you haven’t already seen this truly fellatioriffic commercial (completely blasts away your typical food-as-oral-sex innuendo ad).   Continue »

Samuel Adams, Billy Carter, Bud Lightlime, Kid Rock: what do these guys all have in common?  They are famous and respected brewmasters.  Or at least, Mr. Rock is on the quick path to becoming one.  Kid Rock’s “American Bad@ss Beer” debuted on Friday at his Comerica Park show in Detroit.  Says Kid, of his “easy to drink without an aftertaste” beer,

“I’m American, that’s what I like to drink, and from looking around the parking lot before my shows, I know that’s what my fans drink.”

He then broke a bottle on his head for no reason.  Early reviews of the beer are in…   Continue »