Tonight at 10 (British o’clock) on Sky 1, professional chatter with the dead Derek Acorah is going to hit Michael Jackson up on his Heaven Nextel!  ”Michael Jackson: The Live Seance” will be held “on an island … in a secret location familiar to Jackson.”

“We have chosen genuine Michael Jackson fans and people who knew him throughout his life to take part in this event,” Howell added. “Derek will also have a personal item from Michael Jackson, and will invite everyone to sit quietly and channel positive thoughts … he can’t force Michael to appear, but he will try inviting his spirit by creating welcoming environment.”

How much do you bet Michael Jackson appears?  I bet a million dollars that he does!  ”The spirit seems to be making a punching motion.  Does anyone in the audience have a deceased friend or family member or favorite pop music performer who might find a “hit it” or “whack it” motion significant?  Perhaps something to do with a beloved pet or childhood toy or number-one-charting 1982 single?… OK, look, it’s f*cking Michael Jackson, and he says, uh, thanks for liking my songs and, uh, don’t forget to feed my chimpanzee.”

MTV via Idolator.

So.  Chris Brown’s interview on MTV and Rihanna’s interview on 20/20 will both air tomorrow (Friday), and this thing is looking to be a barnburner, folks.  A short clip of Rihanna’s segment with Diane Sawyer has been released, and it’s pretty damning.  A few of Rihanna’s claims:

• CORRECTION: You in the comments are right – it is not clear in the clip whether Rihanna is saying she herself was beat eight or nine times.  We’ll see tomorrow, I guess.
• Rihanna was embarrassed to confide in anyone about the violence because she “didn’t want people to think that’s the kind of person… I fell in love with that person.  It’s humiliating to say this happened. To accept that? It’s a traumatizing experience.”
• Rihanna left Chris because she felt an obligation as a role model to show girls that domestic abuse is never acceptable: “Any girl who is going through domestic violence: Don’t react off of love. F love. To come out of the situation and look at it third-person and for what it really is, you then make your decision. Because love is so blinding.”

How does Brown plan to address this?  And why Rihanna’s decision to drop these bombs now?  Well…   Continue »

Tom Morello, legendary Rage Against the Machine axe man, was once a young musician out there trying to get the paper as best he could.  And as it happens, they hand out quite a bit of paper at your friendly local Scores VIP Lounge.  Says he:

When I graduated from Harvard and moved to Hollywood, I was unemployable [ed: uh?]. I was literally starving, so I had to work menial labour and, at one point, I even worked as an exotic dancer. ‘Brick House’ [by The Commodores] was my jam! I did bachelorette parties and I’d go down to my boxer shorts. Would I go further? All I can say is thank god it was in the time before YouTube! You could make decent money doing that job – people do what they have to do.

A Harvard degree, guitar virtuosity, and an azz like a model?  ”Literally starving.”  Psh.  Tom Morello could make money on the moon.  More hilarity, ATJ.   Continue »

Let me be the first to admit that this is not a story.  It is just a series of vaguely nonsense details describing the type of non-event that happens in a bar and you retell it the next day, excitedly, as though it were an event, but it is not.  You always do this, and no one wants to hear your stupid stories!

People want to hear Mischa Barton’s stories, though.  (Literally.  People literally want to know about the things that Mischa Barton does.  Think about that.)  Anyway, Mischa Barton got in a bar fight over Halloween!  It was so crazy!  After the jump.   Continue »

Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam give Halloween the full Devo treatment at a Philadelphia performance.  Classic, timeless music from great musical artists.  And Pearl Jam aren’t bad either!  Dumb as a Blog suggests a few other bands-on-bands Halloween ideas: E Street Band as KISS and Jonas Brothers as ZZ Top would be pretty wonderful, but I’d also like to see

• Matisyahu as Toby Keith
• Black Flag as the Bangles
• Buckethead as Deadmau5
• Aubrey O’Day as Slutty Johann Sebastian Bach
• Hanson as Manson

You may have seen this over the weekend, but if not, you should probably see this.  Although the Jude Law rendition was also quite fine in its own right.

You know, if Walken had done this on Leno or something, we’d sort of be at the point where, OK, Christopher Walken is caricaturing himself again and, boy, America just can’t get enough of the man speaking ridiculous words in his serious Christopher Walken voice.  But he avoids this (he always does, somehow) by performing it on an obscure BBC show instead.  And also because it is funny every time.

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt

When you’re answering a job posting on Craigslist for “celebrity needed,” the requirements you have to meet are pretty lax, actually.  ”Some or no education,” “discreet at pre-noon drinking,” “have a face that magazine camera scientists can work with,” “can sign own name,” etc.

So should we really expect celebrities to come up with incisive, topical, and funny costumes for Halloween, considering the requisite celebrity skill set?  The answer is yes, because 1) some of these people have a good sense of humor or at least a good wardrobe guy, right? and 2) all of these people have so much damn money that they can waltz into a costume store and declare, “Hi, I’m Jamie Foxx, and for Halloween, I am going to be the recently unveiled experimental Ares IX Mars rocket.  The costume should be made entirely of regulation NASA parts, and I think it goes without saying that there should also be a motorized launchpad.  Please have it ready by 4.”  So really, there’s no excuse for these q-side Halloween get-ups.  Annotated gallery of the worst of celebrity Halloween (plus a few of the best), after the jump.   Continue »

You may think that’s just a clever title and that the subsequent text is simply some passing sex kerfuffle between two high-profile idiots, but no, Paris Hilton truly spent literal money for a witch doctor to put a hex on Cristiano Ronaldo (if you’ll recall, they did stuff together).  The shaman, only known to the press as “Pepe the Witch” (I am not making this up), drove supernatural demons into Ronaldo’s ankle, forcing him to the sidelines for a week.

Pepe has revealed that his remit is “to do everything possible to prevent Cristiano Ronaldo continuing his career in football” and that he will take his voodoo doll of the player and “stab him in the spine”.

Initially, Pepe was coy about revealing who put the hit out, intimating only that she was a ”jilted lover,” “non-European,” and “a very wealthy heiress form a well-known family.”  ”Oh, and her name rhymes with Shmaris Blilton.”  (I made that part up, he did not say that.)

Paris confirmed that the client was, indeed, her.  But now Ronaldo has himself turned to dark arts practitioners, in hopes of exorcising Pepe’s curse…   Continue »

Their list of victims reads like a list of, uh, rich people in Hollywood: Lohan.  Hilton.  Fox.  Tisdale.  Bilson.  Patridge.  Bloom (Orlando, not Harold).  They also got Brian Austin Green.  Using information from celebrity gossip sites, a gang of ultra-chic teenage burglars terrorized Tinseltown for almost a year, nipping $2 million in jewelry from Paris Hilton alone.  Five 18-year-olds who broke into the houses of 10 celebrities, holy crap. SADLY, they have been brought to justice.

“They thought it was fun, kind of an adrenaline rush,” Los Angeles police officer Brett Goodkin said. “They would go in and steal the celebrity’s clothes and possessions, things they could never afford on their own.”

As Robin something (Robin Thicke?  I think it was Robin Thicke) used to say, “Steal from the rich and give to yourself.”  One of the accused atoned, ”I just learned my lesson that I need to make some better friends and some better decisions as far as my friends go.”  WRONG.  You already have the best friends possible who make the coolest decisions possible.  I love this story.  These kids are now trying to slough off responsibility for the crimes, but they should be on the rooftops, shouting YOU BET I STOLE $2 MILLION BECAUSE AUDRINA PATRIDGE COULD NOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO SAFEGUARD HER MANSION FROM A BAND OF WAYWARD CHILDREN.  But how will the burglars be charged?   Continue »

Incongruity is funny, therefore you will LOL at this montage of clips from last night’s South Park.  Lady GaGa’s “Pokerface”… featured in a very special performance by Eric Cartman.  If you couldn’t figure out what the song was about before (gambling with muffins?  loving glue guns?), you definitely will still have no idea after watching this.  Cartman kind of kills it, though, unexpectedly.  I get the feeling that Trey Parker and Matt Stone initially only planned to show a brief clip of Cartman belting it out on DJ Hero, just for laffs, but then heard it and realized, hey this sounds kind of… right.

Via Idolator.