Welcome to your jam for the day: “My Boyfriend Is the President.”  Yo, if your boyfriend were the president, you would be singing about it exactly as enthusiastically as this girl.  My favorite part of this – and it’s hard to choose, no doubt – is the brief moment at 1:05 when Vladimir Putin’s face is shown on a Magic: The Gathering card (in Soviet Russia, +3 Orb of Silence Dissent is YOU!).  ”Your necromancer has been attacked by a Putin!”  The inclusion of the Pope and Hillary Clinton as potential boyfriend/presidents is also grand.  I know for a fact that the Pope and Hillary Clinton are neither boyfriends nor presidents.  And I further suspect that whoever made this could only name six countries in the world: “America,” “Russia,” “North Korea,” “Japan,” “USA,” and “Christianity.”

Via Videogum.

Hopefully you saw this yesterday while I was doing computer surgery on my computer: a special memo from Gov. Arnold Schwartzenegger to the members of the California State Assembly.  It’s a stern veto for some minor, by-the-numbers pork barrel apportionment in the San Francisco district.  These bills usually get green-lighted without second thought.  But the Governator send an admonition instead: quit dithering!  Focus on the issues!  Something about kicking cans down the street!  What could it all mean?  Well as it happens there was a secret hidden message in the letter.  Get out your curse-word decoder rings and peer under the jump to see it.   Continue »

Bah!  Kids these days!  Back in my day, if you had told someone that it would be possible to make a computer that fits in a bag, he would have laughed in your face!  Why would you want to put your computer in a bag?  I guess you’ll want to carry all of your CD-ROMs around with you from place to place too.  And we didn’t have good-tasting energy drinks.  Only bad-tasting ones!  If you wanted to have energy, you had to drink a bad-tasting drink, because important things in life have a cost and we made sacrifices. Not like kids today.

Kids today also have strange ideas about what it means to be a leader.  Youth of Today, a leadership organization for British kids, recently polled 1,000 teenagers on their picks as the greatest leaders of all time. Martin Luther King, Jr. came out on top, followed by Barack Obama and Nelson Mandela, but the list gets a little weird after that…

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So as you’ve probably heard, one Barack Obama is this year’s Nobel Peace Prize recipient for “his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.”  Good job! some people say.  Too soon! some people say.  I still hate you! quite a few other people say.  In fact, the world’s major news outlets seem bent on giving you the scoop of what everyone has to say.

The five funniest reactions to the news, after the jump.   Continue »

You may have heard about the predicament of East Cleveland ex-mayor Eric Brewer’s unfortunate cross-dressing pictures with a side of male genitalia.  The photos hit the airwaves days before the mayoral Democratic primary, and Brewer was defeated.  Though he placed blame on local police for taking a hands-off approach to stopping the photos’ distribution, he neither confirmed nor denied that the sexxxy lingerie photos were of him.  Another former town mayor had the best reaction:

“It’s him, alive and well,” she told reporters. “Because the guy got demon eyes. You can’t put them on a woman.”

Agree to disagree!  Men and women between the ages of 30 and 75 are at risk for demon eyes.  Talk to your doctor about demon eyes and see if wearing see-through lingerie with your business end hanging out is right for you.  But Eric Brewer is not our only politician with dress-up pictures out there: the ’80s meant a lot of different things for a lot of different people.  The Daily Beast has a gallery of public servants in drag through history, after the jump.   Continue »

Own a genuine piece of real American history!  Brace yourselves, collectors of significant Americana: the Sarah Palin XBox is up for auction.  Seller Dave Morrill (N.B: of Canada) describes the transcendent July moment of its creation at the governor’s picnic:

When I was in front of Sarah Palin, I told her that I had traveled three days to see her and asked her to sign my Xbox360. She said it was the most extravagant thing she had ever been asked to sign. I shook her hand, removed myself from the crowd, and then I packed up my Xbox360 and headed home. It was one of the greatest thrills of my life to have watched Sarah Palin on CNN, SNL, Youtube, and then to see her right in front of me.

If you want to commemorate the year Sarah Palin lost her bid for the vice presidency and then signed some clown’s videogame console at a picnic to celebrate how she wouldn’t have to be governor any more, the bidding is open.  And the seller is only asking for…   Continue »

Hello and Dubai , MFers!  Seriously: Dubai.  I don’t know why more rappers aren’t rapping about Dubai, because the tiny Arab emirate on the Gulf of Persia is the most trappinest emirate of all time and I think I said that correctly!  Dubai has the GDP of ten Lil Waynes (AT LEAST), not to mention it is at best nominally respectful of women!  Ballllin’!  Anyway, Dubai already has the world’s tallest building, as well as a set of man-made islands that look like all the countries in the world, not to mention the world’s largest hole for dumping nearly-depleted oil money and unsustainable real estate revenues into.

And now, Dubai has the world’s largest something else.  Candy store!  The venture, called Candylicious, “looks to tap demand from the Gulf Arab region’s hunger for candy.”  How large, exactly?  After the jump.   Continue »

Weird scene alert: Venezuelan president and garbage-disposal mouth Hugo Chavez (the garbage comes from his brain and gets all chopped and screwed and sprayed out his mouth, is how that image is supposed to work in your head.  Also in Canada, they call it a “garburator.”  A seriously Canadian person told me that.) was smooching various celebrity behinds at the premiere of Oliver Stone’s new documentary South of the Border.  Susan Sarandon was there, and Danny Glover, and Shia f*cking LaBeouf!  Talk about your Fantasy Celebrityball team.  But Hugo Chavez only had eyes for one lucky lady: Courtney Love…   Continue »

There’s a new book forthcoming from historian Taylor Branch based on 79 secret interviews he conducted with Bill Clinton during the Clinton presidency.  Clinton himself kept the tapes in “a sock drawer,” but Branch would summarize the content of each interview on his own tapes at home.  Perhaps the funniest revelation is about Russian president Boris Yeltsin.

Clinton told Branch that Yeltsin had been staying at the Blair House, the White House guest residence, in 1995 when the Secret Service found Yeltsin standing alone on Pennsylvania Avenue, wearing only his underwear, trying to get a cab.

Yeltsin, slurring his words, told the Secret Service he wanted a pizza. The next night, Clinton reportedly told Branch, Yeltsin took back stairs to the basement of the Blair House, where a guard assumed he was an inebriated intruder. U.S. and Russian security forces soon arrived to assure the guard that the man in question was in fact the Russian president.

That’s because on the world leader scene in the ’90s, Yeltsin was “the fun one.”  That’s our Boris, they would say when he showed up at important summits to decide the course of world affairs, wearing a sombrero and a stain on the front of his pants.  The book may also have the most honest look yet into the Monica Lewinsky scandal.  After the jump.   Continue »

John Edwards is basically the Jon Gosselin of politics.  He wears the figurative Ed Hardy shirts.  He figuratively plans the figurative reality television show with figurative Michael Lohan and figurative Kevin Federline.  We know all this.  But that doesn’t mean we want to stop reading about it!  It is now being alleged that the baby he claimed not to father with mistress Rielle Hunter is probably his.  Not a huge surprise there.

Any acknowledgment of paternity would have ramifications for Mr. Edwards, who could suffer a further blow to his credibility but could also be praised for belatedly accepting responsibility.

This from the New York Times. Seriously, New York Times?  It does not seem likely that John Edwards will be praised!  In any capacity, for anything he ever does, for the rest of his life.  Especially with some of the really, really dirty details coming out now, after the jump… Continue »