Superdupermodel and eternally beautiful person Claudia Schiffer has never angled to be a judge or consultant on any kind of dance, modeling, or makeover-related reality show like some of her contemporaries have.  I guess she’s trying to throw her weight (figurative, obviously) behind less popular fashion projects that are more arty and needy of charity celebrity facetime.  And that’s great, bravo.  Support the arts and stuff.  But this shoot, entitled “Kunst Pausen,” in the new German Vogue?  What is going on here?  ”The theme of this shoot is ‘wear a trenchcoat and put different household objects on your head.’  We’ll do the bowl of soup last.  Feel free to get creative with the broomstick.”  ”I think this shoot captures the real ‘Claudia Schiffer with household objects on her head’ look.  Courageous spread, guys.  Uncompromising.”  Fur die er menschen auf skurille weise mit altagsdingen umgibt behrumt, after the jump.   Continue »

Oh sh*t.  What time is it?  4:47.  SH*T.  FListed.  Totally forgot to do FListed today.  Completely blanked.

No, I was pretending just then.  Actually, I was on a jet airplane all day.  Ain’t no FListed on a jet airplane, is there now?!  Although I kind of thought that was where the internet happened, way up 35,000 feet in the sky, all the kittens and Jon Gosselins and DVDAs dancing together up amongst the clouds.  Like, come one, come all: see the internet as it was meant to be seen – in the sky.  But turns out that if you try to use your mobile phones and other electronic devices during takeoff or landing, the invisible computer lasers inside them actually do get tangled inside the plane engines, and the airplane crashes.  Which is why I’m down here now!

Thankfully, Kim Kardashian posed in FHM South Africa today, to help pick up slack in terms of things I can hurriedly and sloppily write about.  Thanks, Kim K!  After the jump.   Continue »

Yo, so it’s not very early in the morning anymore, this I realize.  However, I had to go to an eye doctor to deal with how my eyes don’t function that great, and they put the dilation sauce in them so that my pupils would get big and flat like a laserdisc and now I can’t look at any light source very long, and… it’s just a mess.  I apologize for that rare, harrowing glimpse into my dramatic “offline” personal life.

However, on the plus side, as you may have heard, proto-cougar Kate Beckinsale was named the world’s sexiest woman by Esquire.  I’m actually not sure why, since she hasn’t done anything major this year, but I put full trust in Esquire’s choice – after all, they are the smartest boob magazine out there.  Still though, this is 2009, and you expect me to believe that a woman can just waltz into the title of “world’s sexiest” without defeating a single Decepticon?  Has this “Kate Beckinsale” been approved by Russell Brand or at least Criss Angel (Mindfreak)?  She was in some movie about Korea with Leonardo Da Vinci?  And Pearl Harbor what?  Is that an app or something?  Whatever, Dad.  The stills from the shoot went up yesterday, after the jump.   Continue »

Rachel Stevens calendar in this place at this time.  We all know Rachel Stevens, right?  Obviously.  Not a day goes by wherein we don’t know who Rachel Stevens is.  She’s basically the Melissa Joan Hart of being well known and having a consistently flourishing career over the past decade.  Haha, see now you know that I’m kidding.

But Melissa Joan Hart looks good again!  Haven’t you seen now that she’s thin how she forced herself upon all the the celeb tabloids this summer?  She was like standing over editor of US Weekly, cocking a gun and screaming, hey editor of US Weekly, unless you want me to shoot this bullet down your throat so that it exits your body in the space between your genitals and anus, you’d better run these pictures of me not being fat!  What’s that you say?  Oh well Mr. 9 mm here thinks that everyone in America remembers Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

No, MJH wouldn’t do that.  Probably.  Anyway, Rachel Stevens calendar for 2010.  Bonus S Club 7 video “S Club Party” after the jump.  Awwww yeah!  Ain’t no party like an S Club Party!  (Note: actual lyric.) Continue »

British glamor model (or “glamour model, OBE” as they are known in the UK) Kelly Brook here in a set of glamourous (did I say that right?) Catwomanly shots.  The theme here is “shoes.”  She’s talking on a phone, but the phone is a shoe!  She’s sitting on a chair, but the chair is a shoe!  She is wearing mittens that are actually shoes!  With metal spikes on them.  Everything’s turning up shoes.  A dimension of sight, a dimension of sound, a dimension of shoes.

Whatever.  As the saying I just made up goes, shoes are for wearing about, not for caring about.   Continue »

When the kids say, “I don’t want to take a bath!” they kind of have a point.  Why would you want to be lapping up soap scum and soaking in your own human brine?  Siiiick.  If I want to get pathogens on me, I’ll just eat bacon (don’t you even read CNN.com?).  Baths are kind of gross, more so than anyone really gives them credit for.  Shower power!  I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t have a bathtub, so forget that nonsense.  Marisa Miller, however, definitely has a bathtub – and she knows how to use it.  Kind of.  She’s mostly just blowing bubbles and looking at herself in the wall-length mirror.  You probably would be too, if you were Marisa Miller.  You would probably just have mirrors partitioning the rooms of your house instead of walls.  So that you could always look at yourself wearing makeup in the bathtub.

These shots are from a coffee-table book called Room 23 (that is the bathroom, obviously), and were taken from a GQ photoshoot earlier this year.   Continue »

“America’s Sexiest Bad Girl” is the headline Rolling Stone has chosen for its Megan Fox cover.  Strikes me as lazy, you know?  It’s not exactly the freshest or most revelatory title in the Megan Fox description toolbox.  They just took the first and more or less only thing everyone thinks about Megan Fox and slapped it on the cover.  Nothing to it.  Patrick Swayze: America’s Most Recently Deceased Celebrity Who Was in Dirty Dancing.  Spencer Pratt: Everyone Agrees He Is a Jerk.  The Sun: Yep, It’s Up There.

Uninspired, I say!  But all the same: Megan Fox.  After the jump.   Continue »

Marisa Miller. What is there to say about her that hasn’t already been said about Giselle Bundchen and Adriana Lima and Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks and Carla Bruni and…   Continue »

Maxim has a photoshoot and interview with Audrina Patridge, who was the brunette one on The Hills.  Apparently, she’s leaving that show (you won’t have Audrina Patridge to kick around anymore!) and joining a new one, called The Audrina Show.  Will that show actually come to fruition?  Seems doubtful – Audrina is 24, which in scripted-reality-teenage-drama-in-New-York-or-California years is about 97.  No one wants to watch a 97-year-old getting sloppy on Bacardi Breezers and cry-shouting at Brody Jenner near a hotel pool, MTV.  It’s just crass.

Audrina is also in Sorority Row, though, which promises to be the best high school or college horror schlock film of the year until Jennifer’s Body is released a week later.  Photoshoot and some choice interview bits, ATJ:   Continue »

As Andy Warhol said, in the future, everyone will be topless for fifteen minutes.  He was more right than he would ever know.  Why, some people go topless all day!  I personally try to wear a shirt for at least part of the day every day, if only to remember my roots, and how I come from a long and honorable line of shirt-wearing people who toiled hard through the Industrial Revolution or whatever so that the internet could exist and I could have a job with no dress code.

For what it’s worth, Claudia Schiffer is also wearing a shirt only part of the time in this set.  The vibe we’re getting here in this shoot is “laid-back single friend of your mom’s who talks to you like a grown-up when all the other adults don’t understand.”   Continue »