Fascinating study here from Ad Age that more or less confirms your predilections and prejudices about different beer brands.  A company called Mindset Media polled over 2,000 beer drinkers about their lifestyles.  Some of the data is not surprising (Bud Light is favored by “frat boys”!), but some of it validates more elusive stereotypes you sort of identified but never could quite articulate: “Corona drinkers are 91% more likely than average to buy recycled products and 38% more likely to own three or more flat-screen TVs.”  Corona, the beer of choice for the wealthy, kind, happy, thoughtful people you hate.

But what of Budweiser, Heineken, and craft beers?  After the jump.   Continue »

So you want to be a hipster.  Well, perhaps the most important part of being a hipster is having opinions about things, specifically publications and places to drink.  But which opinions to have toward which things?  Stuff Hipsters Hate, a new single-serving site in the vein of Stuff White People Like, helps you to know.  This guide has been illuminating for me, since as a blog writer, my job is made much easier by hating as many things as possible.  On the other hand, you have to be stone cold to rain on the Cupid Shuffle.  Before this dance, motion-impaired people, the heavily intoxicated, and males were completely at a loss on the dancefloor.  What else do we have?  The Cha Cha Slide?  It’s full of tricks.  I can’t be doing five hops, reversing, cha chaing, sliding to both the left and the right, and then taking it back now(, y’all).

Anyway, if you’re out in the field, you’d do well to remember that most of the stuff hipsters hate falls in with one of two orbits: stuff people who work in finance like (Blackberries, Jager bombs) and stuff hipsters used to like but now hate because too many hipsters started to like them (casualties: high ponytails, Wes Anderson).  That should get you started.  Or not.  Whatever, I bet you still go to the MOMA and read Gawker.

I just can’t help reading tea-and-scones disapproval into this article, since it’s in a British paper and leads off like such:

Craz-E Burger: Americans embrace 1,500 calorie doughnut burger.

Calorie-comfortable Americans have found the perfect rejoinder to the healthy eating lobby – the doughnut burger.

Chipper and bluff as that is, I seem to keep reading it as “Lazy, obese Yankee food dumps slather faces with stupid phonetically named product made from factory meat and a pastry they probably spell ‘donutz.’”

However.  You really should only eat Craz-E Burgers if you plan to spend the rest of the day pulling a firetruck up a hill, because this is the stuff hearts tell campfire stories about.  Burger.  Bacon.  Cheese.  Glazed donuts.  Plus, I’ve created some more foods for the gastric masochist, after the jump. Continue »

It’s not that far-fetched that a sandwich-board man reeling over a bridge rail in Kentucky might be there for self-killing purposes.  So when Jeremy Johnson whirled around on the edge of a Pennyrile Parkway bridge with a Quiznos sign and a lit cigarette, motorists passing beneath called the police.

Police then cited Johnson for disorderly conduct, but Johnson told the press that he was on a work break.  Drivers were honking and waving to him, so he had no real choice but to dance back.  ”You don’t understand, officer.  When the Underpass Trolls make their grotesque faces and curse gestures at me, the only way I can fight them is with the Bridge Dance!”

Quiznos, however, responded a bit differently…   Continue »

Americans love to hate our celebrity degenerates.  There is an aspect of things lurid and inaccessible to us that fascinates – I can’t be sitting around shooting heroin all the time because these spreadsheets aren’t going to spread themselves, etc. – but we’re also unsympathetic and spiteful like, hey Britney Spears, how dare you be so rich and famous and still think you have a right to have problems.  Of course, we also like to see successful people fail in humiliating ways, and Kanye West sort of responds to all that with his new Spike Jonze-directed short film We Were Once a Fairytale.

The film opens with Kanye drunk in the club, being obnoxious in a way that could only make sense to a really blitzed person.  (“I just wanted to f*cking have a good time, and somebody sends this stupid-@ss bottle over!  I don’t want any special treatment!”  How come when some people get drunk, they insist on paying for things for no reason?  That is a pretty inconvenient drunken reflex, in general.)  Kanye of stumbles through a crowd of disapproval-faced people (SOCIETY), acting the fool, and then he has sort of an Alien chest-burst moment in the bathroom.  Anyway, usually celebrities answer allegations of breakdowns and bad behavior through careful publicist statements, but Kanye’s pretty much saying, I brought this all on myself, but I don’t like it any more than you do (upside of a big ego: you own your flaws).  And everyone is like, yup, that’s our Kanye, always falling all over Fonzworth Bentley in the club and then tearing demon squirrels out of his intestines.  The whole short, after the jump.   Continue »

Good sport here for big guys with small wives: Wife Carrying.

A Maine man carried his 97-pound wife over a muddy water hole, two logs and other obstacles in less than a minute to win the 10th annual North American Wife Carrying Championship.

Dave and Lacey Castro, of Lewiston, were among 41 entries from 11 states in Saturday’s 278-yard run at the Sunday River ski resort in Newry. Their time was 54.45 seconds.

“North American,” see.  This has “Canada” written all over it.  Still, it’s worth it to work out those wife carrying muscles and perfect your most ergonomically salutary wife carrying position, because the prizes are legit.  Also, some video, after the jump.   Continue »

Say what you will about this obese man swearing immoderately in front of children, nobody wants to wait half an hour for his or her (f*cking) chicken.  Language NSFW on this one.

As the sweet old lady voice recommends, “Somebody give that man his food!”  This is basically the soliloquy from Act I in the People of Wal-Mart stage adaption.

Via BuzzFeed.

Growing up, I had an uncle, one of like 7 on my mom’s side, whom I was told to avoid.  ”If Uncle Jackson shows up at our door, lock the dead-bolt and come get Mommy or Daddy.”  I always imagined that Uncle Jackson had a car on which one of the quarterpanels was a different color than the rest of the body, and that he paid for any purchase under $10 with expired coupons and coins (“Uncle Jackson doesn’t use the Coinstar because it gives 5% of your change away to charities”).  But what would have happened if Uncle Jackson had married a fantastically rich but reality-handicapped superstarstress?  The answer, of course, is Kevin Federline.  K-Fed was recently sued to the tune of $110,661 by the owners of the last house he rented.

Kevin Federline did not pay the rent, you see (party foul!), and also created a bit of a mess.  Here is the list of home defurbishments listed in the suit, all donated by the Kevin Federline Extreme Home Makeover Experience, plus pictures.

1) Gutters full of cigarette butts and empty beer bottles…   Continue »

The Australian government’s Ministry of Killing Everyone’s Buzz has decided to slap a super-weak limitation on drinking at the Bathurst 1000 three-day auto race in New South Wales.  Only 24 cans of beer allowed per day!  It’s like, I’m sorry, I thought this was a party, not a quiet dinner with my family.

The “one-slab” limit was first imposed in 2007, with police insisting drunken hooligans were tarnishing the reputation of the race and causing disruption in town.

Those choosing to drink lower-strength beer will be allowed to bring in 36 cans, police said.

However, there is a trick that may allow Australians to get around these transgressions against basic human freedoms…   Continue »

Hello and Dubai , MFers!  Seriously: Dubai.  I don’t know why more rappers aren’t rapping about Dubai, because the tiny Arab emirate on the Gulf of Persia is the most trappinest emirate of all time and I think I said that correctly!  Dubai has the GDP of ten Lil Waynes (AT LEAST), not to mention it is at best nominally respectful of women!  Ballllin’!  Anyway, Dubai already has the world’s tallest building, as well as a set of man-made islands that look like all the countries in the world, not to mention the world’s largest hole for dumping nearly-depleted oil money and unsustainable real estate revenues into.

And now, Dubai has the world’s largest something else.  Candy store!  The venture, called Candylicious, “looks to tap demand from the Gulf Arab region’s hunger for candy.”  How large, exactly?  After the jump.   Continue »