UPDATE: Thanks to commenter S for pointing out that this article originated at a site called “The Faking News,” which I guess is sort an Indian Onion?  Another headline from the site is “Did Savita Bhabhi Know Too Much About Spectrum Allotment Scam?” so, yeah, obviously if I had seen that I would have known the entire thing was fake news.  Total egg-meet-face moment!

The Axe Effect: when you spray AxeTM aerosol deodorant or rinse with AxeTM Body Wash and the new Axe Detailer Shower ToolTM, and moments later, beautiful women are thrown into a fit of disrobing, by your sporty, musky essence.  We’ve all been there, obviously.  For example, just this morning, I was dousing myself with Axe Cranberry SlayTM in my Axe Room (similar to a bathroom), when I hear this knock at the door.  I look through the peephole, and whoa!  It’s a total girl!  When I open the door, she’s like, I heard there was Red Bull Vodka and Auto-tuned music in here.  And I was like, bro, I was just about to mix a Red Bull Vodka (I showed her the bottle of Stoli in my non-Axe hand to corroborate this) and play a Trey Songz album!

Anyway, one thing led to another, and pretty soon it was like Halloween night all over again: I was tired and alone and had had a reasonably good time!  Rocking!

But it turns out that the Axe Effect doesn’t work with all guys.  One man in India, in fact, is suing Lynx (the Indian Axe) for ”depression and psychological damage” after using Lynx for seven years without romantic success…   Continue »

Their list of victims reads like a list of, uh, rich people in Hollywood: Lohan.  Hilton.  Fox.  Tisdale.  Bilson.  Patridge.  Bloom (Orlando, not Harold).  They also got Brian Austin Green.  Using information from celebrity gossip sites, a gang of ultra-chic teenage burglars terrorized Tinseltown for almost a year, nipping $2 million in jewelry from Paris Hilton alone.  Five 18-year-olds who broke into the houses of 10 celebrities, holy crap. SADLY, they have been brought to justice.

“They thought it was fun, kind of an adrenaline rush,” Los Angeles police officer Brett Goodkin said. “They would go in and steal the celebrity’s clothes and possessions, things they could never afford on their own.”

As Robin something (Robin Thicke?  I think it was Robin Thicke) used to say, “Steal from the rich and give to yourself.”  One of the accused atoned, ”I just learned my lesson that I need to make some better friends and some better decisions as far as my friends go.”  WRONG.  You already have the best friends possible who make the coolest decisions possible.  I love this story.  These kids are now trying to slough off responsibility for the crimes, but they should be on the rooftops, shouting YOU BET I STOLE $2 MILLION BECAUSE AUDRINA PATRIDGE COULD NOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO SAFEGUARD HER MANSION FROM A BAND OF WAYWARD CHILDREN.  But how will the burglars be charged?   Continue »

So you want to be a hipster.  Well, perhaps the most important part of being a hipster is having opinions about things, specifically publications and places to drink.  But which opinions to have toward which things?  Stuff Hipsters Hate, a new single-serving site in the vein of Stuff White People Like, helps you to know.  This guide has been illuminating for me, since as a blog writer, my job is made much easier by hating as many things as possible.  On the other hand, you have to be stone cold to rain on the Cupid Shuffle.  Before this dance, motion-impaired people, the heavily intoxicated, and males were completely at a loss on the dancefloor.  What else do we have?  The Cha Cha Slide?  It’s full of tricks.  I can’t be doing five hops, reversing, cha chaing, sliding to both the left and the right, and then taking it back now(, y’all).

Anyway, if you’re out in the field, you’d do well to remember that most of the stuff hipsters hate falls in with one of two orbits: stuff people who work in finance like (Blackberries, Jager bombs) and stuff hipsters used to like but now hate because too many hipsters started to like them (casualties: high ponytails, Wes Anderson).  That should get you started.  Or not.  Whatever, I bet you still go to the MOMA and read Gawker.

Like most men, I know a ton of things about fashion and spend as much of my time as possible caring about it.  But I’m learning new things every day!  For instance, have you heard that skirts are for guys now?  True story.  Skirts, or as male wearers prefer to call them, “legs shirts” are a super hot new thing in Japan, and they’re coming to a man’s body near you.  Possibly even your own!  From an English-language paper in Japan:

Called “the skirt boys,” or “skirt tribe,” the skirt-wearing men of Tokyo are beginning to get some attention from the fashion world.  And so, though it may be a little rude, I have to ask: How is this different from being a cross-dresser?

Hey, some guys join the lacrosse team, other guys join the skirt tribe.  To each his own.  Not everyone has to be a pants boy.  But in answer to the hard-hitting and ever-thorny cross-dressing question… Continue »

A few months ago, I posted about an odd spin on the typical beauty pageant: the Miss Plastic Hungary contest, a celebration of augmentation, an undertaking of self-remaking, overachievers… under the knife.  Etc!  Well, the pageant finally took place.

To qualify for the pageant, the 18 Hungarian residents had to prove they’d gone fully under the knife — mere Botox or collagen injections did not count. Nearly all the contestants showed off augmented breasts, with reshaped noses also popular. One finalist had surgically adjusted toes.

And yet if you can imagine it, one plastic surgeon claimed, ”Plastic surgery has a bad reputation in Hungary but it’s mostly due to the exaggerations.”  Pics, video, and more details, after the jump.   Continue »

Ah, I don’t know how I missed this initially, but… here we go.  Maybe you’ve heard of Etsy.com, the lady-site where handmade craft nonsense gets pushed for huge profits?  It’s a decent site I guess, if you trust products made in a first-world country under a non-corporate entity by tailors and seamtresses over 10 years old.

But if your craft sensibilities are more… eccentric, you might want to consider Regretsy.com instead.  With items like a knit pregnancy doll (w/removable placenta!), an Obama toilet seat cover, a catnip fetus toy, an “HIV Clock,” and a “masturbating dinosaur” wall fixture, you’re sure to find something for everyone in the family.  Gallery of a few of the funnier selections (maybe NSFW?), ATJ.   Continue »

It has been a lean year for douchebags: from douchebag titans of finance (Fuld, Madoff) to douchebag juggernauts of entertainment (Bale, Francis, Gosselin) to douchebag leaders of the free world (Berlusconi, Cheney), the last twelve months have seen the hammer fall hard on our beautiful planet’s ego-enlarged and perspective-challenged assh*les.

Thankfully, our finest comedians have toed up to the times to heckle them as they beat a retreat to the douche-trenches (but when we exult in their douche-pain, do we not become that which we despise?  Is not the douche… inside all of us?).  Andy Samberg, Aziz Ansari, and obviously Stephen Colbert are very good when they wear the douche suit.  But Nick Kroll and John Daly have been killing it as well.  “Rich D*cks” was magical.  Their latest, “The Ed Hardy Boyz,” in which the intrepid pair attempt to solve the Case of the Missing Sick Belt Buckle for their boss, Christian Audigier, is only slightly less lafftastic.  If it is laffs you seek, though, you will find them.  Video after the jump.   Continue »

TLC’s child beauty pageant reality show Toddlers and Tiaras really brings out the worst in its characters, which is pretty easy, since all the parents there auditioned to put their toddlers on a show about putting their toddlers on shows where the winner is the 3-year-old who can look and act the most like Gwen Stefani.

So it makes perfect sense that one of the pageanteers has the name “Sparkal Queenz” on her birth certificate.  PSA to new parents and aspiring parents who should maybe consider other, nonparental aspirations: Sparkal Queenz is not a name for a human child.  It is a name for a toothpaste, at best.  A toothpaste for dolls.  There should be a person at the Dept. of Heath office who vets all newborn names before he gives out birth certificates: “Sparkal Queenz?  Sir, that is a fine name for America’s Best Dance Crew, but it’s my job to remind you that you are, in fact, naming a human being who will be living in normal society for 76 years.”

Sparkal Queenz performs Rihanna, after the jump.   Continue »

I know that storied book imprint Penguin Classics is really late on this one, but one must understand that the Complete and Annotated Paris Hilton does not complete and annotate itself.  These things require the measured finesse and judicious hand of many editors and academics.  Such efforts are a matter of course in presenting to the public intellect a body of work with the heft and import of hers.

But in the meantime, you may find one of her ever-illuminating apothegms in this year’s edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, where her words have been immortalized alongside those of other celebrated wits like Oscar Wilde and James Joyce.  Which quote got her into the dictionary? Continue »

Speed traps aren’t too bad, right?  They’re just like traffic cops, but friendlier and more likely to ticket white people!  You know who they can’t ticket, though?  People wearing animal masks.

“Our officers actually conducted surveillance on him and observed him putting the mask on just prior to the photo-enforcement zone. So obviously, he intended on speeding through the zone and was covering his face intentionally,” DPS Lieutenant Steve Harrison tells 92.3 KTAR. “He had two masks. One appeared to be [of] a monkey, the other one appeared to be [of] a giraffe or some type of gazelle design.”…

Vontesmar said. “The ball’s in their court. I sent back all these ones I got with a copy of my drivers license, and said, ‘It’s not me. I’m not paying them.’ “

HAHA.  This guy went out of his way to put on a gorilla mask and then pedal to the metal through speed traps.  A true hero of boredom.  And he didn’t do this just once… Continue »