Brief FListed hiatus guys.  Sorry!  What is the meaning of this?  What is the meaning of anything?  I don’t know.  I don’t have answers, just this hilarious compilation of Roger Sterling zingers.  They’re great because a lot of them aren’t even that witty.  He just delivers them like, “I just crushed you with the most confident insult ever,” and you know what, I’m sold every time.  ”Well I know where you’d be!”  Good one?  Good one.

Anyway, new content coming soon, this paper isn’t getting itself, etc. etc.

So about two weeks ago, our FListed Twitter account vanished into the Internet Drain.  I tried to work with the Twitter people to bring it back, but not only was it gone, there was no record of it ever existing.  So these tech people at this free service I was using for free tried to tell me that they didn’t lose FListed’s Twitter, it just wasn’t there (“Are you sure you had a Twitter account, sir?  Are you sure it wasn’t a Sharpie and roll of toilet paper?”).  Needless to say, I was outraged in fewer ways than one.  However, I have set it up again.  And to get things going again, I’m going to start off with some fun Twitter games (an idea I ripped off of @videogum) we can all play.  Be sure to follow FListed.

We’ve seen a flurry of spoof porn movies lately, from 30 Rock to Star Trek. Which mainstream movie or TV show should they make into a porn spoof next, and what should it be called?  I’ve gone ahead with some to start you off here: #newpornspoofs.

Celebrity Scandal Clue!  The idea is that you pick a celebrity and place him or her in a suspicious location with an accessory of guilt, just like in the board game (you remember: “Miss Scarlet, in the ballroom, with the wrench”).  Except the result, instead of a murder, is a scandal.  Joe Biden, in the hot tub, with the Bangles.  Miley Cyrus, in the 7/11, with the sideways Glock.  Megan Fox, in the trunk of the Cherokee, with the Wilmer Valderrama.  You get the idea.  Play at #celebrityscandalclue.

Who is the worst celebrity?  You can feel free to explain why, or not.  (Spoiler Alert: Chris Brown.)  Play along at #worstcelebrity.

Remember to use the hash tags and to add FListed on Twitter.

You thought guidos were over.  They definitely had a huge internet thing going in that 2006-07 era.  You gave them that.  ”F*ckin’ skanks!  Jager bombs!”  Remember that?  But our national priorities change, sometimes drastically, you reasoned.  There is a recession.  Barack Obama doesn’t care about orange people.  (I mean “guido” here in the “My New Haircut” sense rather than the limiting, strictly Italian sense.  If you somehow missed the whole guido craze.)

But they’ve been quietly regrouping.  Breeding and multiplying behind closed doors, out of the public eye, in filthy public beach bathrooms and filthy nightclub bathrooms and other various filthy places where people may go to the bathroom around New Jersey.  They’ve traded spray tan for bronzer and Jager for Patron, allowing them to walk amongst us unseen.  They bide their time.  But they’re coming for you.  They’re coming up to Boston, and they’re going to beat up your f*cking roommate and sleep in his f*cking bed.  INCLUDING YOU, NICK!  Witness the new face of Guidom, plus a look back at the best videos of the guidos that were, after the jump.   Continue »

Well hello, hello,

Just wanted to introduce myself, I’m Alyssa and I’m going to be contributing to this blog as much as I can. I’m 22 and I’m clawing my way into magazines in NYC. My strengths include being inappropriate, eating everything and never exercising, Tivo, handing over my paycheck to the LIRR, rambling on my blog, and typically being grossly underpaid for my education and experience.  I also am a sucker for homeless people… and puppies. I used to be a dancer and an equestrian, but that’s over now. I believe in always wearing the minimal amount of clothing possible. I have been called a nudist and I’m ok with that. Undergarments are for suckers. My favorite show is Weeds. I’ve always been the “token guy’s girl” and dream of working at Maxim.

And just so we start off on the right foot, here’s the most attractive picture of myself that I can find:   Continue »

Hello, and welcome to today.  As I type this, I glance down and see an empty can of Joose Flavored Malt Beverage at my feet.  There it is.  I wrote about Joose yesterday, and how I was going to drink Joose last night.  Spoiler alert: I did.  I kept a Joose Journal as I was drinking it so that you can know whether I recommend it or not.  Spoiler alert: I do.

7:45 PM: I return to the local store to purchase more Joose for the weekend.  A friend has requested that it appear at a party, after reading my last post.  I’m at the checkout line with seven 24 oz. cans of Joose Dragon Flavor and nothing else in my basket.  The woman behind me is about my Mom’s age, maybe a little older.  She asks what Joose is, and I tell her it’s like “a beer energy drink” (only later will I learn it is not at all like beer).  She thinks the label looks like it was designed by “a high schooler doodling in the margins of his notebook.”  I assure her that many high schoolers enjoy drinking Joose.  The price is $23.14 with tax.

8:02: The Joose is begun…   Continue »

Whence the tramp stamp?  It has been a woman fashion thing for about ten years now, which means that it has accrued enough sociological import for Writers To Write About It.  Unfortunately, most of the journalism I’ve been able to dig up is along the lines of “girl, don’t you let anyone tell you your slutty tramp stamp tattoo makes you look like a slut, because empowerment and sexuality.”

“Small minded people” think that the larger the tattoo on a woman’s back means that she is looser or more promiscuous. Many men thinking that if a woman has this sort of tattoo that it insures [sic] he will have a good time.

Are the myths true?  Walk with me, through the journey of the tramp stamp from times prehistoric to the present efflorescence of tramp stamp art.  See, with your own eyes, tramp stamps of all shapes and colors, from Bible verses to Hitler’s face, some of them on hot girls.   Continue »

Hello, FListers.  I know we’ve had a bit of a site redirect epidemic here this week, what with a lot of readers being sent off to weird and wacky ad sites.  When you came to this site, did you want to be told your computer had a fake virus, or to find out where to meet hot Asian men, or how to diet using only self-loathing and a tongue press?  No, or probably not, anyway.  If that had been the case, you’d have Googled “I want to be told my computer has a fake virus” rather than “f listed.”

So we’re trying to fix this because it sucks!  Next time you get redirected on this site, plz copy-paste the URL into the comments to this post (and mention what post you were on to get the redirect), or send it to me via the contact box.

Thanks for your help, and sorry that the site is being such an inconvenience store this week.

You don’t watch NYC Prep right?  Ha, me neither.  Like I can even watch those shows.  Is it supposed to be “ironic” or something?  More like “gay.”

But I mean.  If you did watch it, or did want to watch it.  Tonight is the finale on Bravo at 9PM (8 central).  Do you guys think Jessie is the most annoying?  I used to think so, but now I’m not sure.  Also, PC.  I wanted to think he was just pretending to be “like that.”  But now I’m afraid he’s actually like that.  Because when he didn’t invite Jessie who is hello his best friend?  To the party?  That grated me the wrong way, PC.  I thought you should have acted more maturely in that circumstance.  In this episode, you will probably want to redeem yourself, to me.

Here’s how it works with Bravo.  Bravo channel is like the girl version of A&E channel, however, every man is allowed to like two Bravo shows. Millionaire Matchmaker – that is a given.  I chose NYC Prep for my second.  Sorry, Miami Social.  What will happen in the finale?  Spoilers from my mind, after the jump.   Continue »

Where all my Dane Cook fans at??  Well, Dane Cook was tasked with the challenge of entertaining teenagers while presenting the Hottest Jailbait Award or something at the Teen Choice Awards last night.  As he took the stage, a nation waited with baited breath, wondering, “Will Dane Cook go there?”

He went there.  Dane Cook psyched himself up backstage.  Comedy has grown limp, thought Dane Cook, defanged by… the entertainment companies and by… political correctness.  I have to save it.  It falls to Dane Cook to make comedy real again, so I’m going to go out there and tell the uncomfortable truths and if I die out there – if the people tear me down because they are not ready to have the ugly mirror of their depravities thrust on them – I will have died for my art.

Then Dane Cook bounced onto the stage, did some jumping jacks, singled out Vanessa Hudgens, and told her, “Girl you gots to keep your clothes on!” in his “hoochie mama” voice.  Video, plus five funnier things that Dane Cook could have said, after the jump.   Continue »

As I noted in an earlier post, there are a suprising number of Megan Fox red herrings out swimming around online that only serve to fool and frustrate you with their promises of Megan fox phantasms glimpsed in mirror flashes and candle smoke.  Megan Fox playing an unnecessary and outdated superhero?  Megan Fox in a poorly lit, overpriced sex tape with Ray J?  These are merely Christmas dreams.  And yet there are more than 2.4 million Google results for “Megan Fox sex tape” and almost 500,000 image results for “Megan Fox Wonder Woman.“

Here’s a look at the house of mirrors that is the Megan Fox runaway identity – faked photos, calls for impersonators, and also: F-Listed talks to a real Megan Fox about the pleasures and perils of being a Megan Fox in an age of Megan Fox.   Continue »