If you know anything about Larry David, it’s that Larry David spends all of his time waiting forever for a restaurant table only to see his table given away to someone else who just walked in (OK: he spends some of his time protesting that he has to sign a “Get Well Soon” card for someone he doesn’t even like).  So naturally, when Larry David accidentally wandered onto the set of Hannah Montana and tried to get a table at the nicest restaurant in town, someone else walked in got served instead (Miley, obv).

Curb Your Enthusiasm on Hannah Montana.  Why, it makes about as much sense as Lindsay Lohan being hired as the head designer at a couture fashion label, or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sitting around the Hanukkah tree spinning the dreidel and eating latkes.  Or David Letterman playing 1998 Oval Office with all his interns.  What is it with this week?  It’s like the entire world is In Soviet Russia.  It’s like Ashton Kutcher popped out from behind your fridge and yelled, “Everything you understood to be the reality of existence in global society JUST GOT PUNK’D.”

He’s just bein’ Larry, after the jump.   Continue »

So yesterday the internet crapwheel (like a waterwheel, but powered by a swift-flowing torrent of crap) was spinning pretty hard over the fact that rookie Saturday Night Live cast member Jenny Slate accidentally said “f*ck” on TV.  In the sketch, she played a biker chick who drops frick-bombs like it’s nothing, but, of course, when you’re fricking this and fricking that, those consonants and vowels can get slippery.  So she predictably (ha, new girl!) and accidentally let fly “I f*cking love you for that.”  And then made a classic “F*CK, I just said ‘f*ck’” facial expression.  There was immediately conjecture that she would be fired from the show like Charles Rocket was in 1981 for the same offense (his was “It’s the first time I’ve ever been shot in my life, and I’d like to know who the f*ck did it.”).

It sounds as though she only got a slap on the wrist, however, albeit a very hard slap.  Also the clip, after the jump…   Continue »

Last night was a great night for you, if you enjoy not being surprised by the results of an awards show.  30 Rock won Best Comedy Series at the 61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards.  Mad Men won Best Drama Series.  Same thing happened last year, which just proves that, uh, those are good shows.  (Aside: how goofy was Mad Men last night?  ”He’ll never golf again.”  Right?  I guess it was tongue-in-cheek or something, but not really Best Drama Series material, Mad Men.)  Family Guy did not win the Emmy on account of it not being 30 Rock, but Gatecrasher reports that Seth Macfarlane had some consolation:

“The girl kept slurring at Seth, begging him to take a picture with her. He just smiled, pointed at his friend’s father and said, ‘I’d rather take my picture with this guy.’ “

The biggest winner of all last night, plus full list of winners, after the jump.   Continue »

To start you off this morning, I have a clip from a last night’s 10 o’clock news on FOX5 WNYW.  Anchor Ernie Anastos apparently did not graduate Television School, which is where you learn simple dictums of television such as, “Don’t swear on television,” “Don’t be drunk on television unless it is VH1,” and “Don’t use your favorite idiom about sex with chickens on television.”  I think he broke all three rules here!  I didn’t even go to Television School, and I can tell that much.  During a segment about young mothers working out, he talks over his co-anchor, catcalling the moms on the screen: “Hey, look at you!  Hey… lookin’ good out there, ok!”  (The moms can’t hear you, Ernie Anastos.)

But that’s nothing compared to the other bon mot he drops, presumably while thinking he’s off the air (language NSFW)…   Continue »

50 Cent is like the Google of the rap world.  He may not be good at every venture he undertakes (like “making rap music”), but the man is completely indefatigable about having an iron in every fire possible.  Guy is addicted to the hustle.  His agents are like, “50, you have a million bajillion dollars, you don’t need to develop and market a line of perfumes.  Ladies don’t want to smell like you!”  It’s not about the money, agents.  50 Cent book?  In stores soon (check the “Self Help: Slangin’” section).  50 Cent couture?  Look out the window, we blew by that miles ago.  Now we’re on 50 Cent moisturizer for men, 50 Cent vitamin supplements, 50 Cent limited edition half-dollar coin with certificate of authenticity from the U.S. Mint.

And with today’s appearance on Rachael Ray, 50 Cent looks poised to move on the gourmet cooking/kitchenware market as well…   Continue »

It’s been a strong few days for embarrassing outbursts in publicly televised settings.  As you know, last week, Republican Rep. Joe Wilson interrupted President Obama’s healthcare speech with “You lie!”  Last night, Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance of her VMA for Best Music Video From a Female Performer to trumpet, essentially, that Beyonce should have won the award instead.  The outburst/apology pendulum swung swiftly in both cases, but YouTube is forever.

And it has already given us one of the funniest mash-ups I’ve seen in awhile.  What if it were Rep. Kanye West on the House floor at Obama’s speech?  Plus the original clips, after the jump. Continue »

Wow.  Nine women sent in their audition tapes, were interviewed, and were selected to be on a Turkish reality TV show similar to Big Brother.  You know the rules of reality TV, though, ladies: you can’t contact your friends or family, leaving the house (or tour bus, as the case may be) is prohibited, you have to pose nude so that the photographers can sell images of you online, there is no prize money, and the show is not being filmed or aired on TV because it’s actually a makeshift sex prison instead of a TV show.  Any questions?  Great, welcome to the show. Scary, crazy, eye-opening for sure, but at least the women are OK:

The women were rescued on Monday from the villa in Riva, a summer resort on the outskirts of Istanbul, according to a spokesman for the military police in the region who carried out the raid. He said the women were held captive for around two months, but refused to provide further details.

More details:   Continue »

Since we posted yesterday about the murder of model/stripper/Playboy employee Jasmine Fiore and the subsequent disappearance of her husband, reality show contestant Ryan Alexander Jenkins, details about the case have flooded in.  Here they are, in chronological order, plus more pictures of the victim and the wedding:

1. VH1 put Megan Wants a Millionaire, the show Jenkins was a contestant on, on hold: “Given the unfortunate circumstances, VH1 has postponed any future airings. This is a tragic situation and our thoughts go out to the victim’s family.”  This was probably a kneejerk reaction on VH1′a part: there was a death, our show was related to it, we should shut it down.  But news networks are already churning out gory details, splashing pictures of Fiore onscreen, and generally making bank on this lucrative story – VH1 is sitting on a golden egg.  And the deceased is not even on the show; Jenkins is.  I don’t think VH1 airing the show would be any less exploitative or opportunistic than the rest of the media carousel that this case is driving.  You bet I want to watch it now.  (And: sources say Jenkins not only appeared on but won the upcoming I Love Money 3.)
2. Jenkins has a history of beating up his women…   Continue »

More astounding tales of true crimes committed by rich douchebags: VH1 reality show contestant Ryan Alexander Jenkins, from the currently-airing Megan Wants a Millionaire, is wanted in connection with the murder of his wife over the weekend.  Jasmine Fiore, a stripper and Playboy representative, was found in a Buena Park trash bin on Saturday by a homeless man.  Jenkins has gone missing, possibly back to his home country of Canada.

VH1 removed Jenkins’s profile from the show’s website, but another site got a screenshot of it, and at very least this man is guilty of First Degree Being A Twat:   Continue »

Hey Dancing With the Stars!  1994 called and it wants its stars back!  And furthermore!  I do not understand the appeal of your show!

On the other hand, if you ever wanted to see Joanna Krupa and Tom DeLay dance off against each other (and are you not human?), you may want to tune in this season.  Michael Irvin?  Check.  Model Kathy Ireland?  Check.  Olympian swimmer who failed to have sex with Michael Phelps Natalie Coughlin?  Check.  Melissa Joan Hart?  Chuck Liddell?  It’s like a Who’s Who of American who achieved a lot in a minor field or a medium amount in a major field.  Update on the future: in 2030, our nation’s most respected Twitterers will all face off on Dancing With the Stars.  The one who loses the most weight becomes president.  Full list, AtheJ.

Continue »