Sponsored post here from Sony: yesterday marked the DVD release of the 2008 Mischa Barton number Assassination of a High School President.  Mischa plays a worldly high-school senior who helps a sophomore student paper reporter track down a set of missing (AKA STOLEN) SATs.  But since standardized testing is for lamewads, you can trust that the real focus here is kids going nuts on the Blue Lightning and taking a break every so often for a premarital heavy petting interlude.  The movie tagline is, “Politics, popularity, paranoia, pharmaceuticals. Are you in?”  (You may now pause to stretch your collar and make a “too soon” grimace.)

I haven’t seen this movie, but IMDB gives it a strong 7.7, and it also features the talents of Quinn Shephard as “Eye Patch Girl” and Ashley Springer as “White Kid With Dreds.”  Furthermore, if four of you buy the DVD, Sony will give me a free house.  Wherever I want.  So let’s do this.

Exclusive hilarious redband trailer, after the J.  From the look of it, the real talent here is whoever plays the Italian kid.  ”A single p*ssy hair can pull a battleship through the desert.”  OK, Salvador Dali!  They grow up so fast. Continue »

There was a lot of squawking and flapping when Lars von Trier’s new film Antichrist debuted at Cannes a few months ago.  I haven’t seen it, but apparently it assaulted the eyes with both genital mutilation and Willem Dafoe (a real one-two punch right there), thus earning it accolades as the Gross Art Movie of the Year.  But now it looks like Christmas came twice for perverts this year, because there’s a literally sick new movie on the block, and it is called Human Centipede.  From a description of the film:

In The Human Centipede, Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser) is a leering, sepulchral surgeon from Germany whose specialty is separating Siamese twins. Dr. Heiter decides to evolve his craft by sewing together living beings together at the “mucous-cutaneous zone” (guess) in order to create Siamese triplets with a single digestive system.

Since “mucous-cutaneous” could mean a lot of things, I’ll give you a hint: it is much, much better to be the first person in the centipede than the second.  So far only a short but disturbing clip of the flick seems to have been released.  Plus more description, after the jump.   Continue »

This interview prank is kind of a lay-up, and it could have been pushed further, but it’s hilarious nonetheless – if only because securing an interview with Megan Fox requires running an obstacle course of agents, handlers, managers, publicists, stylists, bodyguards, personal clairvoyants, motion-triggered automatic crossbows, giant rolling boulders, and a crocodile-lion chimera guardian creature who eats the hearts of those judged to be impure in thought and deed.

So Nathan Zoller making Megan Fox wear a paper bag over her head while he tosses around ideas with Johnny Simmons for spin-offs of Hotel for Dogs is a nice coup a la South Park inviting George Clooney onto the show to voice of a dog barking.  Clip, ATJ:   Continue »

Guess what came out in theaters today.  All About Steve, a “romantic” “comedy” starring Sandra Bullock as an loopy but endearing crossword-puzzling loser who stalks a TV anchorman.  Fox Studios’ description:

Sandra Bullock plays eccentric crossword puzzle constructor Mary Horowitz who, after one short blind date, falls for handsome cable news cameraman Steve (Bradley Cooper).

If I just had to review the movie based on that sentence, I would give it a bad review.  But imagine actually having to sit through a 90-minute interpretation of that sentence – you can see why reviewers would be angry.  This movie has one of the lowest scores on Rotten Tomatoes right now: 5%.  Some of the hilarious reviewer trash-throwing, ATJ:   Continue »

Writer and legend William S. Burroughs was so far ahead of his time that we don’t know how far ahead of his time he was because we haven’t gotten to his time yet, and if we ever do, it will probably be the end, for us.  Surprisingly, this, A Man Within, is the first ever documentary about his life, and interviewees include some pretty big names in outlaw artist circles: John Waters, Gus Van Sant, David Cronenberg, Jello Biafra, Iggy Pop, and Sonic Youth, not to mention Burrough’s lovers and his gun dealer.

As Waters says of the man, “He was the first person who was famous for things you were supposed to hide.  He was gay, he was a junkie, he didn’t look handsome, he shot his wife, he wrote poetry about assh*les and heroin.  He was not easy to like.”  Trailer, ATJ:   Continue »

To follow Nicholas Cage’s work is to watch a public tragedy of a career man in our times.  The stakes are small, the fall is gradual and barely noticeable but not really buffered by any redeeming dignity on the hero’s part.  Cage strove to be, briefly got to be, a respected actor, a mid-high achiever in his field – Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation.  But he lacked the ability to understand when a script is good and when it’s only dressed up as a good script and left on his desk with a note like “Hey Nick, This may be the one you’ve been waiting for!  -Your Agent.”  These ranged from eh (Captain Corelli’s Mandolin) to disastrous (The Wicker Man), and slowly, over many years, Nicholas Cage swallowed this realization and just stopped trying.

His next project will be Drive Angry,

The story centers on a man (Cage) driven by rage who is chasing the people who killed his daughter and kidnapped her baby. The vendetta/rescue spins out of control as the chase gets bloodier by the mile, leaving bodies strewn along the highway.

And…   Continue »

So Harry Potter’s next ambition is to direct a “London Gangster” flick, apparently because typecasting and artistic horizons and blah blah etc.

“Daniel [Radcliffe]’s been looking at lots of scripts trying to decide what he’d like to direct. But he’s now focusing on a story about a London gangster.

“Daniel wants to challenge people’s preconceptions of him.”

A Goodfellas Harry Potter?  Do I dare to dream it?

NEVILLE: “You hear that, Harry?  Our boy Ron’s gonna be made tonight!  Our Ronnie, a made wizard!”  [Enter RON]

RON: “Heyy, you f*ckin’ micks!  Guess who’s got some news!”  [Voiceover, HARRY: "I could never be made because I was half-Muggle, but when I heard Ron was gonna get made, I was just as excited as if it had been me." ]…  Continue »

Whoa, here are some photos of Batman star Christian Bale on the set of his new film The Fighter with Mark Walhberg.  Christian Bale must be playing the tortured soul of Lindsay Lohan because he looks like hell.  His hair even looks like it’s falling out, malnutrition much?

He’s actually playing a drug addicted boxer, which I suppose is not far off from being Linsday, go figure.  However, he’s supposed to start filming for the new Batman flick next year.  Let’s hope his incredible ability to shrink to nothing doesn’t make it too hard for him to bulk up for the next film.

Check out the rest of the photos of Christian Bale on set in Boston after the jump>>> Continue »

Hey guys!  I’m at the San Diego Comic Con and things here are awesome.  I’ve been hanging out in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle’s creator and the owner, editor and publisher of Heavy Metal magazine.  A man after my own heart, he likes having me around cause giant boobs and weapons are his thing.  And giant boobs are weapons.  If you’re at the con this weekend, feel free to stop by the Heavy Metal booth and meet me!

In addition to this, my friend Kevin Kelly of Cinematical had the pleasure to speak with The Green Hornet director Michael Gondry and got a bizarro interview where Gondry raps about the Green Hornet’s ride & does the robot.  Holy Toledo, AWESOME!

Check out the video after the jump>>> Continue »

Wow, so today marks the wide release of Harry Potter and the Who the F*ck Even Cares Anymore, a movie about wizards and demons and vampires and Austrians.  In the plot, Harry Potter, who is a wizard, fights Lord Voltron, who is a Decepticon (i.e. pro-abortion) and then afterwards he gets it on with Scarlett Johansson, a gossip elf he met at a private school party.  I won’t give away the ending but there is a very touching moment when the houses of Gryffindor and Sotomayor put aside their difference to host the most poignant David Carradine tribute concert of all.

Here is what the reviewers are saying, including… the Pope??

Continue »