Ah, the British.  Give Britain’s millions of wayward youths (chavs, wankers, you know the ones) credit for doing their darnedest to erase the international Anglo image of expensive hats, peerages, and porcelain clocks.  In ten years, when we think “U.K.” it’ll be casual sex, knife fights, and reckless drinking.  This story more or less summarizes the story of Future Britain: Miss England, Rachel Christie, attacked Miss Manchester, Sara Beverley Jones, in the wee hours at a nightclub.

Miss England has relinquished her crown.  The fight was over a man.  His name is “Tornado,” and he is the British equivalent of an American Gladiator.  More details, ATJ: Continue »

The most egregious part of this story is not that 57-year-old David Simmons, of Murfreesboro, Tennessee, snapped pictures on the sly while doing sex acts with his ex-girlfriend.  Nor is that he vengefully mailed said sex pictures to the family members of said ex-girlfriend as Christmas cards.  Nor is it that he received a slap on the wrist “suspended sentence” for such an spiteful and emotionally damaging crime.

No, the most egregious part of this story is that HELL-OOOO, who sends CHRISTMAS CARDS in OCTOBER?  What a gauche, classless man!  Obviously the seasonally appropriate way to stick it to an ex-lover is to dress up for Halloween as someone who is better for not having you in my life, JENNIFER. Or to send a festive autumn cornucopia full of pumpkins, squashes, and sexual pictures of your ex-girlfriend to her family members.

Source: Metro.

At one point or another we’ve all asked ourselves, “Which Kardashian would I fight?”  While the answer is obviously “Bruce Jenner,” you can now take them all on, provided you have the cash.

TKO Boxing presents the “Kardashian Charity Knock Out“. This is your chance to step into the ring and duke it out with your favorite Keeping up With The Kardashians cast member for a good cause. Kim, Khloe, Bruce, Rob, and Scott are looking for you to raise money for their favorite charity. Winners will box the Kardashians cast at the Commerce Casino on November 3rd for a televised taping of “Keeping Up with The Kardashians”.

No Kourtney?  Look you may be “pregnant” (whatever that is), but this is for charity, so let’s not be selfish for a change. Specifically, it’s for the Dream Foundation, the “largest national wish granting organization for adults battling life-threatening illness.”  Don’t you want those adults’ wishes to come true, Kourtney Kardashian?   Continue »

When you go on a reality show and/or sleep with someone on a reality show, you know you’re in for an STD.  I know what you’re thinking, and yes, that includes Little People, Big World. It’s not a question of “if,” it’s a question of “how many?”  So this fine-print clause on the waiver signed by entrants to The Real World’s “Put Your Best Foot Forward” date auction was probably unnecessary.  After the jump.   Continue »

You guys ruined it.  The Fame Kills Tour featuring Kanye West and Lady GaGa has been called off, and it’s all your fault.  And by “you,” of course, I refer to “the ticket-buying (or more like not-buying) public.”  Or “creative differences.”  Or “Taylor Swift.”  Or “alcoholism.”  Definitely probably one of those things caused the tour to be called off, but which one?  Detective Music sleuths out the real culprit among the rumors for why a cruel God would sunder the beautiful union, after the jump.   Continue »

Another Joey Buttafuoco-style insane freak show of absurdity story here.  I’m going to do it as a Mad Lib, and then fill it in for you.

A [type of emergency responder] from [Staten Island/Long Island/New Jersey] who gained notoriety for appearing in [pornographic video for ladies] has been discovered as the other man in the divorce case involving a contestant on [D-grade reality TV series on ABC], who had [type of injury you can inflict with a knife] her husband in the [body part that is vulnerable to knives].  The lovers had traded messages on [social networking site] along the lines of “I want you to know how [expletive] bad I wanna [verb] you right now [series of punctuation marks].”

Do it at home, then check your answers, after the jump!   Continue »

John Edwards is basically the Jon Gosselin of politics.  He wears the figurative Ed Hardy shirts.  He figuratively plans the figurative reality television show with figurative Michael Lohan and figurative Kevin Federline.  We know all this.  But that doesn’t mean we want to stop reading about it!  It is now being alleged that the baby he claimed not to father with mistress Rielle Hunter is probably his.  Not a huge surprise there.

Any acknowledgment of paternity would have ramifications for Mr. Edwards, who could suffer a further blow to his credibility but could also be praised for belatedly accepting responsibility.

This from the New York Times. Seriously, New York Times?  It does not seem likely that John Edwards will be praised!  In any capacity, for anything he ever does, for the rest of his life.  Especially with some of the really, really dirty details coming out now, after the jump… Continue »

A lot of things, apparently!  One intrepid reporter went undercover as a cougar (though she’s only 31) at the National Single Cougar Convention a few days ago.  All the lonely old ladies and the twentysomething dudes trying to get a good story for later (“She was 87, bro!”) met in San Francisco to get their age gap on:

The cubs outnumbered the cougars by 5 to 1, and while each cougar had her share of suitors and dance partners, the remaining cubs, growing more drunk and desperate with each passing moment, began to revert to a sort of fraternity house/Lord of the Flies mentality. One gentleman grew so angry with my polite refusals to dance with him, he started calling me a b*tch… Every half hour or so, Scott would come by and ask me why I was being such a “little f—ing b*tch.”

Why indeed, reporter lady?  You totally missed out on a winner with that one.  They also held the first ever Miss Cougar USA Pageant.  Pictures, after the jump.   Continue »

How about today is… Rare Embarrassing Medical Condition Friday!  In honor of Lauren Williams, 28, who recently underwent vagina surgery to remove her second vagina.  They’re not like kidneys or lungs, I guess, for which the experience is enhanced by having duplicates.  Two vaginas, as Lauren Williams can tell you all too well, is one vagina… too many.

In her early twenties, Lauren could never have guessed the reason why she found some sexual positions uncomfortable.

“I just presumed I must have a short vagina.” It was only when she went for a smear test at 24 that she was alerted to the fact that she could have a medical problem…

Continue »

This Saturday (tomorrow) at 10:30 pm ET Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos will fight Gina “Conviction” Carano, courtesy of Showtime and Strikeforce.  Scheduled for five five-minute rounds (as opposed to the customary three three-minute rounds), this will be the world’s first female Mixed Martial Arts championship bout.  Yes, the question no one asked, “Who is the world’s best female mixed-martial artist?” will finally be answered. The pre-fight hype machine has been working in full gear for the last month or so, not so much because it’s an interesting matchup between two elite warriors but more so because Gina is hot and everyone likes a good chick fight.

Both feisty females have been doing extensive PR rounds (including, but not limited to, choking out reporters), and more recently they have each posted their daily training regiments. Training videos, gambling odds and my personal fight predictions all after one small jump.   Continue »