Let me preface this by saying that I’m Lady GaGa’s straightest fan, and I wish her nothing but the most complimentary bottles of red wine and the most glamorous inhalants eBay can buy.  But even we ridest and dyest of fans have our, “ugh ok Lady GaGa” moments.  The whole “I’m bisexual too!” thing was taxing.  I was pretty eh on the sparkler bra gag as well.  It felt like it had been done before, and I don’t care whether it Has Been Done or merely Should Have Been Done, Lady GaGa’s appeal is that she Does Otherwise Than That.

The new Fame Monster, leaked over the weekend a week in advance of its release (download it via here or here, the “DepositFiles” host site works, after you wait for the ad to time out: look I am all supportive of artists and their intellectual rights especially if those artists are Lady GaGa, but seriously one of this woman’s three-ring costumes could feed f*cking Azerbaijan, and Azerbaijan does not even have that low a standard of living), is larded with the fresh GaGa, but you get scoops of the trite GaGa as well.  The bad and the good, after the jump.   Continue »

Ah, the British.  Give Britain’s millions of wayward youths (chavs, wankers, you know the ones) credit for doing their darnedest to erase the international Anglo image of expensive hats, peerages, and porcelain clocks.  In ten years, when we think “U.K.” it’ll be casual sex, knife fights, and reckless drinking.  This story more or less summarizes the story of Future Britain: Miss England, Rachel Christie, attacked Miss Manchester, Sara Beverley Jones, in the wee hours at a nightclub.

Miss England has relinquished her crown.  The fight was over a man.  His name is “Tornado,” and he is the British equivalent of an American Gladiator.  More details, ATJ: Continue »

Tonight at 10 (British o’clock) on Sky 1, professional chatter with the dead Derek Acorah is going to hit Michael Jackson up on his Heaven Nextel!  ”Michael Jackson: The Live Seance” will be held “on an island … in a secret location familiar to Jackson.”

“We have chosen genuine Michael Jackson fans and people who knew him throughout his life to take part in this event,” Howell added. “Derek will also have a personal item from Michael Jackson, and will invite everyone to sit quietly and channel positive thoughts … he can’t force Michael to appear, but he will try inviting his spirit by creating welcoming environment.”

How much do you bet Michael Jackson appears?  I bet a million dollars that he does!  ”The spirit seems to be making a punching motion.  Does anyone in the audience have a deceased friend or family member or favorite pop music performer who might find a “hit it” or “whack it” motion significant?  Perhaps something to do with a beloved pet or childhood toy or number-one-charting 1982 single?… OK, look, it’s f*cking Michael Jackson, and he says, uh, thanks for liking my songs and, uh, don’t forget to feed my chimpanzee.”

MTV via Idolator.

So.  Chris Brown’s interview on MTV and Rihanna’s interview on 20/20 will both air tomorrow (Friday), and this thing is looking to be a barnburner, folks.  A short clip of Rihanna’s segment with Diane Sawyer has been released, and it’s pretty damning.  A few of Rihanna’s claims:

• CORRECTION: You in the comments are right – it is not clear in the clip whether Rihanna is saying she herself was beat eight or nine times.  We’ll see tomorrow, I guess.
• Rihanna was embarrassed to confide in anyone about the violence because she “didn’t want people to think that’s the kind of person… I fell in love with that person.  It’s humiliating to say this happened. To accept that? It’s a traumatizing experience.”
• Rihanna left Chris because she felt an obligation as a role model to show girls that domestic abuse is never acceptable: “Any girl who is going through domestic violence: Don’t react off of love. F love. To come out of the situation and look at it third-person and for what it really is, you then make your decision. Because love is so blinding.”

How does Brown plan to address this?  And why Rihanna’s decision to drop these bombs now?  Well…   Continue »

Tom Morello, legendary Rage Against the Machine axe man, was once a young musician out there trying to get the paper as best he could.  And as it happens, they hand out quite a bit of paper at your friendly local Scores VIP Lounge.  Says he:

When I graduated from Harvard and moved to Hollywood, I was unemployable [ed: uh?]. I was literally starving, so I had to work menial labour and, at one point, I even worked as an exotic dancer. ‘Brick House’ [by The Commodores] was my jam! I did bachelorette parties and I’d go down to my boxer shorts. Would I go further? All I can say is thank god it was in the time before YouTube! You could make decent money doing that job – people do what they have to do.

A Harvard degree, guitar virtuosity, and an azz like a model?  ”Literally starving.”  Psh.  Tom Morello could make money on the moon.  More hilarity, ATJ.   Continue »

This is kind of funny.  Sorry, what I meant to say is, “Breaking the law is never funny.”  But if it were, ever, this might be one of those times.  CNN examines three cases of self-calling intoxication, two in which a drunk driver reports his or her own crime to 911 and one in which a cop who ate a bunch of confiscated weed thinks he is dying.  Although CNN does end it rather judgmentally: those who are without sin, cast the first stone and such.  Hey, guess what, CNN?  I don’t drink and drive.  I resent the implication that I have enough money to own a motor vehicle.

Via The Frisky.

Let me be the first to admit that this is not a story.  It is just a series of vaguely nonsense details describing the type of non-event that happens in a bar and you retell it the next day, excitedly, as though it were an event, but it is not.  You always do this, and no one wants to hear your stupid stories!

People want to hear Mischa Barton’s stories, though.  (Literally.  People literally want to know about the things that Mischa Barton does.  Think about that.)  Anyway, Mischa Barton got in a bar fight over Halloween!  It was so crazy!  After the jump.   Continue »

I like to eat apples, but I like to eat steaks as well.  So as someone who sees no problem with eating both apples and steaks, I cannot but condone an American’s right to dress up as an animal and dress up as the Insane Clown Posse.  Hence, Jugfurs.  From the YouTube description of a very necessary slideshow of Jugfurs, which is after the jump:

ANYWHO, yeah, of the million excess juggalos, and eight hundred thousand furries, (these are old figures BTW) there are those that have an intrest in both. And I can’t count them on 2 hands. There is a FA user group, and last time I checked, we top’d it out at over 200 jugfurs. Thats of the 14K that use the site.

Haha, love the caveat: census figures on Furries and Juggalos are AS YET incomplete, so do understand that my figures MAY DEVIATE SLIGHTLY FROM THAT DATA.  Video, plus more insight into the mind of a person whose ardent love of wearing trailer clown makeup is forced to compete with his love of fetishizing the birds and the beasts (way ill-starred, yo!)… after the jump. Continue »

UPDATE: Thanks to commenter S for pointing out that this article originated at a site called “The Faking News,” which I guess is sort an Indian Onion?  Another headline from the site is “Did Savita Bhabhi Know Too Much About Spectrum Allotment Scam?” so, yeah, obviously if I had seen that I would have known the entire thing was fake news.  Total egg-meet-face moment!

The Axe Effect: when you spray AxeTM aerosol deodorant or rinse with AxeTM Body Wash and the new Axe Detailer Shower ToolTM, and moments later, beautiful women are thrown into a fit of disrobing, by your sporty, musky essence.  We’ve all been there, obviously.  For example, just this morning, I was dousing myself with Axe Cranberry SlayTM in my Axe Room (similar to a bathroom), when I hear this knock at the door.  I look through the peephole, and whoa!  It’s a total girl!  When I open the door, she’s like, I heard there was Red Bull Vodka and Auto-tuned music in here.  And I was like, bro, I was just about to mix a Red Bull Vodka (I showed her the bottle of Stoli in my non-Axe hand to corroborate this) and play a Trey Songz album!

Anyway, one thing led to another, and pretty soon it was like Halloween night all over again: I was tired and alone and had had a reasonably good time!  Rocking!

But it turns out that the Axe Effect doesn’t work with all guys.  One man in India, in fact, is suing Lynx (the Indian Axe) for ”depression and psychological damage” after using Lynx for seven years without romantic success…   Continue »

You may have seen this over the weekend, but if not, you should probably see this.  Although the Jude Law rendition was also quite fine in its own right.

You know, if Walken had done this on Leno or something, we’d sort of be at the point where, OK, Christopher Walken is caricaturing himself again and, boy, America just can’t get enough of the man speaking ridiculous words in his serious Christopher Walken voice.  But he avoids this (he always does, somehow) by performing it on an obscure BBC show instead.  And also because it is funny every time.