Sexless Man Sues Over Lack of “Axe Effect”

UPDATE: Thanks to commenter S for pointing out that this article originated at a site called “The Faking News,” which I guess is sort an Indian Onion?  Another headline from the site is “Did Savita Bhabhi Know Too Much About Spectrum Allotment Scam?” so, yeah, obviously if I had seen that I would have known the entire thing was fake news.  Total egg-meet-face moment!

The Axe Effect: when you spray AxeTM aerosol deodorant or rinse with AxeTM Body Wash and the new Axe Detailer Shower ToolTM, and moments later, beautiful women are thrown into a fit of disrobing, by your sporty, musky essence.  We’ve all been there, obviously.  For example, just this morning, I was dousing myself with Axe Cranberry SlayTM in my Axe Room (similar to a bathroom), when I hear this knock at the door.  I look through the peephole, and whoa!  It’s a total girl!  When I open the door, she’s like, I heard there was Red Bull Vodka and Auto-tuned music in here.  And I was like, bro, I was just about to mix a Red Bull Vodka (I showed her the bottle of Stoli in my non-Axe hand to corroborate this) and play a Trey Songz album!

Anyway, one thing led to another, and pretty soon it was like Halloween night all over again: I was tired and alone and had had a reasonably good time!  Rocking!

But it turns out that the Axe Effect doesn’t work with all guys.  One man in India, in fact, is suing Lynx (the Indian Axe) for ”depression and psychological damage” after using Lynx for seven years without romantic success…  

Court officials seem to be giving the case at least half a look, since they have begun running “forensic tests” on various Lynx products.  Said the hapless plaintiff:

“The company cheated me because in its advertisements, it says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe. I used it for seven years but no girl came to me.”

Now in the American legal system, we have a concept called “reasonable person,” as in, “A reasonable person would understand that commercials often use hyperbole and comedy for brand effect,” but this is happening in Indian civil courts.  So there’s this argument, I guess, in favor of the claimant:

But India’s leading compensation lawyer Ram Jethmalani said: “There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women.

“In fact, some of the bestlooking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys.

“I’d suggest the firm settle this issue out of court.”

I would suggest the firm settle this issue out of court for zero dollars.  Let’s also not discount the possibility that this is all just a very subtle viral ad campaign by Tag.

Source: The Daily Record via Guyism.