The Craz-E Burger: A Delicious Glazed Donut Bacon Cheeseburger

I just can’t help reading tea-and-scones disapproval into this article, since it’s in a British paper and leads off like such:

Craz-E Burger: Americans embrace 1,500 calorie doughnut burger.

Calorie-comfortable Americans have found the perfect rejoinder to the healthy eating lobby – the doughnut burger.

Chipper and bluff as that is, I seem to keep reading it as “Lazy, obese Yankee food dumps slather faces with stupid phonetically named product made from factory meat and a pastry they probably spell ‘donutz.’”

However.  You really should only eat Craz-E Burgers if you plan to spend the rest of the day pulling a firetruck up a hill, because this is the stuff hearts tell campfire stories about.  Burger.  Bacon.  Cheese.  Glazed donuts.  Plus, I’ve created some more foods for the gastric masochist, after the jump.The Craz-E Burger was a big hit at the Massachusetts Big-E fair recently:

The fair’s website described it as “classic fair food” but noted: “No single ingredient dominates the burger. They all complement each other…”

It added: “The glaze smooths over the burger and oozes into a foreign but delicious combination with the crisp of the bacon.”

The restaurant that concocted this smörgåsbord of complementary flavors dancing in perfect harmony through your coronary arteries also serves the “hamdog,” a hot dog wrapped in a beef patty and deep-fried.  Here are some suggestions they might try in the future for the discerning gourmand of dangerously unhealthy foods:

• Sqweez Toob Friez: delicious fried potato wedges garnished with that blue raspberry mucus candy you buy in a toothpaste tube at the BlockBuster checkout.
• Vodka Vanilla Creme of Decadence: two scoops of vanilla ice cream in a large bowl, garnished with a cinnamon stick, drizzled in a liter of vodka (serve cold).
• Salt BrickTM, the brick that is salt.  For just 59 cents extra, add a side of someone punching you in the kidneys repeatedly.
• Eggs Over Sneezy: a big, heaping plate of raw eggs that have been sneezed on by swine flu patients.  Served to your table by children who never wash their hands.

Source: The Telegraph.