Ted Williams’s Body Beheaded and Mutilated at Cryogenics Lab

This news is just blowing the roof off the internet.  Or parts of the internet.  The parts labeled “Sports” and “How To Freeze Your Body After It Is Dead,” specifically.  Larry Johnson, a former exec at the cryogenic freezing facility Alcor Life Extension Foundation, is publishing a tell-all expose about how – duh – cryogenics is a pseudoscience aimed at milking big money from the estates of dead egos who couldn’t deal with the fact that the world would spin on without them.  Alcor’s grimmest offense:

Technicians with no medical certification gleefully photographed and used crude equipment to decapitate [Ted Williams], the majors’ last .400 hitter.

Williams’ severed head was then frozen, and even used for batting practice by a technician trying to dislodge it from a tuna fish can.

Yeah.  It’s pretty bad, and gets worse, after the jump.  

Frozen: My Journey Into Cryonics, Deception, and Death (A+ title right there.  The hell this won’t be the star attraction of every Waldenbooks storefront display.) includes such revelations as

The dismembering of live dogs that were injected with chemicals in experiments, and a situation in which human blood and toxic chemicals were dumped into a parking lot sewer drain.

And this, about Ted Williams:

Johnson writes that holes were drilled in Williams’ severed head for the insertion of microphones, then frozen in liquid nitrogen while Alcor employees recorded the sounds of Williams’ brain cracking 16 times as temperatures dropped to -321 degrees Fahrenheit.

Johnson writes that the head was balanced on an empty can of Bumble Bee tuna to keep it from sticking to the bottom of its case.

Johnson describes watching as another Alcor employee removed Williams’ head from the freezer with a stick, and tried to dislodge the tuna can by swinging at it with a monkey wrench.

The technician, no .406 hitter like the baseball legend, missed the can with several swings of the wrench and smacked Williams’ head directly, spraying “tiny pieces of frozen head” around the room.

Happy Friday, guys!

Also, it should be noted that Ted Williams requested in his will that he be cremated.  This cryogenics nonsense was his son’s idea.  I’m really surprised that A) the survivors of the deceased aren’t able to check that the bodies in the facility are taken care of, and B) that Alcor didn’t simply dump the bodies and just claim to freeze them.  They might as well have.  Ted Williams isn’t going to want to come back to life with no head, IDIOT-FACES.

Source: NYDN.