Al Qaeda’s New “Anus Bomb” Really Makes You Earn That Martyrdom

Uh oh, Al Qaeda is at it again.  They’re bombing various people and places, as it’s kind of their “thing,” and it appears they’ve learned a new trick move in the bombing game, something they picked up from those other international bad guys, the drug cartels.  Terrorist Abdullah Asieri, claiming he wanted to defect or whatever from Al Qaeda, was granted an audience with Saudi Prince Mohammed Bin Nayef, head of that country’s counter-terrorism unit (Saudi Jack Bauer; obviously he survived the attack with only someone else’s blood on his forehead).  Asieri avoided several rounds of security checks and metal detectors before the meeting, yet he still managed to get a bomb in:

Taking a trick from the narcotics trade – which has long smuggled drugs in body cavities – Asieri had a pound of high explosives, plus a detonator inserted in his rectum.

Al Qaeda has been circulating an “animated movie” of the attack, set to a sound recording of it.  For what purpose?  As a recruitment tool?  ”I don’t know, Ted, I saw the cartoon and I’m really thinking about becoming a suicide bomber – no homo.”  Here is a picture of what the anus bomb would have looked like:

Oh noooo.  Ah geeez.  Just tuck that little guy right in there, nothing to it.  Actually, it was going pretty smoothly until they ran out of Vaseline.

“This is the nightmare scenario,” said Chris Yates, an aviation security consultant [Ed: For all parties involved].

On a plane at altitude, the effects of such a bomb could be catastrophic. And there is no current security system that could stop it.

There is actually one security system that could stop it… all I’m saying is invasive search techniques iz about 2 get a lot more invasive up in here (/up in there! (your anus)).  Just prepare for a future when every flight to see Grandma is going to take you back to Brotherhood Night at Chi Gam.  Yeah, suck it, Chi Gam, our frat rivals from college, which I am over.

Source: CBS via The Awl.