Courtney Love Will Be the New Queen of Venezuela

Weird scene alert: Venezuelan president and garbage-disposal mouth Hugo Chavez (the garbage comes from his brain and gets all chopped and screwed and sprayed out his mouth, is how that image is supposed to work in your head.  Also in Canada, they call it a “garburator.”  A seriously Canadian person told me that.) was smooching various celebrity behinds at the premiere of Oliver Stone’s new documentary South of the Border.  Susan Sarandon was there, and Danny Glover, and Shia f*cking LaBeouf!  Talk about your Fantasy Celebrityball team.  But Hugo Chavez only had eyes for one lucky lady: Courtney Love…  

“It was the third wink that sold me,” Mrs. Kurt Cobain told us. “He’s a sexy dawg. He invited me to visit his country and I’d like to go. I’ll rock Caracas!”

Hugo Chavez, meanwhile, hurried back to Venezuela to prepare for her visit.  He was visiting all the factories like, you call this the world’s seventh biggest producer of cocaine?  This is Courtney Love we’re talking about here, guys.  Her nose will descend upon us from the sky like a terrible celestial vacuum and suck our land dry!  She must be appeased!  What have I done??

Source: NYDN.