Brett Ratner: Obviously I Lost My V-Card to a Paraplegic Girl Hanging From a Tree

Legendary auteur of such cinematic tours de force as Rush Hour 2 and one of the new X-Men movies Brett Ratner is at work on a new autobiographical film, New York I Love You, and it is to be his most “personal” yet.  The Oscar ceremony cut will obviously be this scene:

“In the original ending, she (the girl) is a cripple, and they have sex as she’s hanging from a tree in Central Park. Everyone was freaking out over my short, so I changed it to where she wasn’t a cripple, but an actress pretending to be a cripple.”

The Oscar for Best Sex With a Cripple in a Tree in Central Park (only in New York, LOL am I right??) goes to Brett Ratner!  Hooray!  ”I, Brett Ratner, would like to thank the producers, the crew, Mom, L. Ron Hubbard, and Tanya, the paraplegic young lady I loved up as she hung from a tree.  Without her, there would have been no movie.”  More ridiculousness, AtheJ:

“I had just two days to shoot the scene. I thought it would be easy because it was Central Park… I go into the park and I take the girl, and she weighs, like, 75 pounds and I hang her off the tree. The problem was that the law in Central Park states that you’re not allowed to touch a tree if you’re a film crew; you can’t go near a tree. So they said, ‘You can’t do this, can you make it a pole?’ I said, ‘I can’t, it has to be a tree.’ They wouldn’t even allow us to go on the grass. So, in the gravel part of the park, I put all this fake grass down and we had to bring in, believe it or not, our own tree that we flew in from upstate New York! We put that tree up and it was a nightmare because there were park rangers watching us making sure we weren’t breaking the law. It was crazy.”

MY VISION CANNOT TAKE FLIGHT IF WE USE A POLE.  F*CKING GET ME A TREE.  There is no explanation of why or how Brett Ratner found himself losing his virginity to a wheelchair-bound woman or, for that matter, how she got in that tree.  Did Brett Ratner put her there or did he just find her that way?  Did she want to have sex with Brett Ratner, and if so, why?  Answers!

Source: Starpulse via ONTD.