Tom DeLay, Joanna Krupa, and the Rest of Your Favorite Americans on Newest "Dancing With the Stars"

Hey Dancing With the Stars!  1994 called and it wants its stars back!  And furthermore!  I do not understand the appeal of your show!

On the other hand, if you ever wanted to see Joanna Krupa and Tom DeLay dance off against each other (and are you not human?), you may want to tune in this season.  Michael Irvin?  Check.  Model Kathy Ireland?  Check.  Olympian swimmer who failed to have sex with Michael Phelps Natalie Coughlin?  Check.  Melissa Joan Hart?  Chuck Liddell?  It’s like a Who’s Who of American who achieved a lot in a minor field or a medium amount in a major field.  Update on the future: in 2030, our nation’s most respected Twitterers will all face off on Dancing With the Stars.  The one who loses the most weight becomes president.  Full list, AtheJ.

Kathy Ireland, 46, model, business tycoon

Joanna Krupa, 30, model, owns T.O.

Mya, 30, singer, actress and dancer

Natalie Coughlin, 26, Olympic Swimmer

Chuck Liddell, 30, Mixed Martial Arts fighter

Tom DeLay, 62, former congressmen

Donnie Osmond, 51, entertainer

Michael Irvin, 42, former Dallas Cowboy

Louie Vito, 21, Pro Snowboarder

Mark DaCascos, 45, host of Iron Chef America

Aaron Carter, 21, singer, actor, reality show star

Macy Gray, Grammy-winning singer, actress

Ashley Hamilton, 34, actor, son of former DWTS competitor George Hamilton

Melissa Joan Hart, 33, actress (Sabrina the Teenage Witch)

Debi Mazar, 45, actress (Entourage)

Kelly Osbourne, 24, actress, reality show star

IMDB knowledge: Debi Mazar, the nasal-voiced actress who plays Vince’s publicist in Entourage had her first big role as Ray Liotta’s coked-up side-piece in Goodfellas.

Source: Gunaxin, which has a great Kathy Ireland gallery to go along with it.