Advantages of Being Fat, Concealed Weapon Edition

What are the advantages of being fat?

1) You can participate in Dance Your @ss Off, while thin people are up against the prohibitively talented contestant pool over at So You Think You Can Dance.

2) If you are a rapper, you will get “Big” or “Fat” in your moniker (cf. Pun, Smalls, Hawk, Joe, Pat) rather than “Lil” (cf. Wayne, Romeo, Bow Wow, Flip, Penis).

3) You can hide concealed weapons in your rolls of flesh, as one Texas inmate recently did…  

Twenty-five-year-old George Vera was charged with possession of a firearm in a correctional facility after he told a guard at the Harris County Jail about the unloaded 9mm pistol. The Houston Chronicle reported Thursday that Vera was originally arrested on charges of selling illegal copies of compact discs.

The 500-pound man was searched during his arrest and again at a city jail and the county jail, but officers never found the weapon in his rolls of skin. Vera admitted having the gun during a shower break at the county jail.

Pretty much unclear why he admitted to possession.  Actually, most elements of this story don’t make sense, including why someone selling CD copies got sent to prison to suck down taxpayer resources, why he had a gun in the shower (in prison, even the showers are lonely for a 500 lb man), and what good an unloaded pistol does.  I guess he may have feared if it were loaded that his overburdened, long-suffering digestive tract could have seized it and pulled the trigger.

(There is not actually a rapper called Lil Penis.  That would be way funny, though.)

Source: SFGate via Perez.