Porn Star Beats Up Husband Because the Laundry Was Done Wrong

Look, Stormy Daniels has a hard job.  She’s on the set all godd*mn day filming such classics as The Witches of Breastwick and Operation Desert Stormy, so is it so much to ask that when she comes home, the laundry be done right, the bills be paid, and a hot dinner be ready?

Understandably, when her husband does the laundry wrong and doesn’t pay the bills with the money she gave him, she becomes very, very upset, and she only does what she has to do because otherwise how will he learn?  It hurts her more than it hurts him.  The best parts of the police report, after the jump…  

First of all, she is listed as “Occupation: PORN STAR,” and, I don’t know, I just figured that on tax forms they wrote “adult film actress” or “thespian – romantic concentration” or “interpreter (anal).”

According to Stormy’s statement in the affidavit (she is “Stephanie”),

Stephanie Clifford advised that she got upset because the way the laundry had been done. She opened some mail and discovered her husband, Michael, had not paid a bill that she had given him money to pay. Now their bank account was frozen. She threw the potted plant at the sink and knocked blankets of the kitchen counter onto the floor.

And then, according to her husband’s statement…

Stephine then hit Michael on his head with her hands several times. Michael stood there. When Stephine was done hitting him he walked into the living-room and sat down. Stephine came into the living-room and threw their wedding album onto the floor and knocked candles off coffee table, breaking them. Michael was not injured.

Or he had applied his mascara and eyeshadow very carefully to cover up the two black eyes he got when he tripped in the kitchen and fell.  So clumsy of him to leave the ironing board just lying around on the floor like that, totally his fault.

The police gave the visibly shaken man a warm blanket and a cup of tea, and before long he confessed: he wanted to leave her so much, he sobbed, but she’d find him.  She said she’d find him and she’d beat him to the death like the worthless whore he was, but officer, he knows she loves him, it’s just when she drinks… and… and what if nobody ever loved him again?  Sometimes he isn’t sure that it’s not worth the golf club kisses.

This incident may hurt Stormy Daniels’s chances of becoming a Louisiana senator.  Everyone will question her judgment in marrying a man who can’t even do the laundry right, pays the bills wrong, and calls the police after his wife slaps him.  Inverse Penis Disorder is not well understood in many states.  Here’s the full police report.

Source: TMZ.