In Japan, Your Cartoon Character Pillow Can Also Be Your Girlfriend

The Sunday New York Times took a look at the Japanese phenomenon of “2-D love,” or moe, which is a when a completely grown man and a prepubescent cartoon character fall in love.  In America, we have a similar type of thing, and we call it “shame,” but in Japan, it’s a heads-held-high bona fide alternative lifestyle, and if you human-f*ckers can’t accept, ya’ll can just go to hell!

In an ideal moe relationship, a man frees himself from the expectations of an ordinary human relationship and expresses his passion for a chosen character, without fear of being judged or rejected.

“It’s enlightenment training,” Takuro Morinaga, one of Japan’s leading behavioral economists, told me. “It’s like becoming a Buddha.”

The only difference is that the path to becoming a Buddha ends with pure spiritual harmony and the renunciation of all fears and wants, whereas the path to becoming a moe ends with ejaculating on a pillowcase with a drawing of a child on it.

“There are two things you should be mindful of when buying a body pillow,” Okayama whispered as we combed the aisles, trying not to disturb the handful of other men perusing the merchandise. “First, there’s image quality. And then you have to choose one that feels good on the skin.”

The first man the Times profiles is a late-30s sad sack whose girlfriend is a pillow named Nemutan, and he loves her dearly.  He brings her to restaurants, on car rides, and keeps an extra of her at work.  On the prospect of a real human relationship, he says he’d like one, but, “How can someone who carries this [pillow] around get married?”

The last man profiled is a child-f*ck-pillow salesman who goes by “Momo.”  The name of his business translates as “Furnace of Child Love.”

His current favorite is Karada-chan, a copper-haired sixth grader from the anime “A Direction in the Day After Tomorrow.” She’s fully clothed in the cartoon, but in Momo’s imagination and thus on his pillow cover, she appears naked…

Every night, Karada-chan and at least two other animated preteens, drawn with large pink nipples and exaggerated labia, share a mattress with Momo, one on each side and another on top. “They’re so cute, I can’t stand it,” he said shyly. “It’s like my favorite girl comes to marry me every night. I just can’t stop thinking about them… Her existence to me is like daughter, younger sister and bride all put into one.” Does he have sex with her? “Yes.”

Momo told me he never looks at child porn. He lives with his sister and his 3-year-old niece, whom he insists he has no sexual feelings for.

You know how the kid who drew pictures of shooting up the school, wrote stories about shooting up the school, and made lists of people at the school he desired to shoot up… was the one who eventually shot up the school?  You know?

Source: NY Times.