New Just-for-Pets Airline Will Only Increase Domesticated Terrorism

An airline for pets?  First reaction, obviously: stupid.  Way stupid.  Like bakeries for your dog and health spas for your parrot aren’t indulgent enough.  What with people starving out there (, man).

Pet Airways will fly a pet between five major cities–New York, Washington, Chicago, Denver, and Los Angeles. The $250 one-way fare is comparable to pet fees at the largest U.S. airlines.

Additionally, the pet airline only flies out of the JV regional airports in these cities, so instead of carting Peppy to O’Hare with you, you have to make a special trip to Blagojevich Int’l.  And the flights take longer than yours, because they stop at every airport (NY to LA in 24 hrs).  But maybe this isn’t as bad an idea as it sounds?  

Well, no.  I’m afraid it is.  If only because

Among the big U.S. carriers that offer pet services, AirTran, Spirit, Southwest and JetBlue only allow pets to fly in the cabin. Most U.S. airlines charge between $100 and $125, but Delta and Northwest charge $150 for cabin trips. AirTran is the cheapest among big carriers at $69.

The charge is more to fly in the cargo or check-baggage holds. Delta and Northwest are the most expensive at $275. Alaska Airlines and Midwest charge the least, at $100. Frontier prices its checked pets fees between $100 and $200 and only takes pets as checked baggage.

So at $250, you aren’t really saving any money by flying your pet on a different airplane, but you do buy the extra burden of picking up and dropping off Flouncy at the regional airport.  However, airplanes have limited pet seating in the cabin, and riding in the cargo hold is about as comfortable as riding out of the country in the trunk of a serial killer and/or rapist’s car (he has three names, one of which is “Wayne”).

And…

Binder and Wiesel used their consulting backgrounds and business savvy to start Pet Airways in 2005. The last four years have been spent designing their fleet of five planes according to new four-legged requirements, dealing with FAA regulations and setting up airport schedules.

The two say they’re overwhelmed with the response. Flights on Pet Airways are already booked up for the next two months.

The American Dream gets amended a lot, but one version of it has remained constant: invest blood, sweat, tears, and years into a shoddy idea, market it with pictures of cute animals, and the people will beat a path to your door.

Source: AOL News.