God of Chocolatey Goodness Only Appeased By Souls

A man working at a chocolate, uh, brewery died yesterday after falling into one of the chocolate vats.  It is the first such death by chocolate demanded by angry gods who had allowed us to make the delicious decadent milky orgasmness in peace for over a thousand years.  Back in Aztec times, however, it was common for criminals, enemy combatants, and unlucky people to be sacrificed to the gods through a bloody open-heart procedure, and somehow chocolate resulted from that.  As those are the only two details I know about ancient Mesoamerica, I can only conclude they were related.

The man had been in the melting pot for about 10 minutes by the time crews arrived, and by the time he was pulled out of the chocolate it was too late. He was declared dead shortly after 11 a.m.

Video report, ATJ:  

The turnout gear of firefighters at the scene were covered with some chocolate, as were the clothes of an obviously distraught co-worker who was being consoled by an EMT. That co-worker appeared to have gone into the tank in an attempt to rescue the man who had fallen in.

According to the report: “He didn’t stand a chance.  The chocolate was boiling hot, and also, there’s a device in there that swirls the chocolate and he got caught up in it.”  So, I made you think this would be a funny, zany Russia-style story and then actually it was a grim and moribund tragedy.  Don’t we both look like @sses.