Statutory Rapist Woman Just Wanted the Furries to Accept Her

Cheers to Denver, Colorado, how’re we doing tonight?  Citizens of Denver, I present to you on this august July day the Most Stupid-@ss Crimes Committed in One Day Award (also known as the “Russian Medal of Honor“).  This morning, your ingenius combination of armed robbery, painkillers, and samurai swords won you high marks in the singles competition, but this afternoon, word comes that you’ve swept the doubles tourney as well, with this.

A 45-year-old Fort Collins mother is accused of having sex with a 16-year-old boy who also was part of a group that enjoys dressing up as animals…

Members of the group gave statements to police after the woman’s affectionate, sometimes intimate behavior with the teenager at Furries gatherings, called “furmeets.”

Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land (love – this – land!)… God bless the U.S.AAAAA!  

Her husband notified the Colorado Department of Human Services in May that his wife might be having an improper online relationship with a teen-aged boy, the affidavit says.

He also told investigators she had “recently become involved with a group known as ‘Furries,’ who dress up like animals and have social gatherings online and in person.”

Ha, the things people will do to have sex with 16-year-old boys!  There is truly no type of try-hard more try-hardy than the try-hard trying hard to fit in with a group of teenage furries.

According to the arrest affadavit, Michels is friends with the boy’s mother. The boy told investigators Michels “even made a comment about the irony of (his) mom trusting her as a mentor … and the whole time she was having sex with him.”

In the woman’s defense 16 is actually 53 in rabbit years, or when you’re dressed up as a rabbit.  With a hole cut in the crotch area.

Source: Denver Post, FTW.