Review Roundup: Funniest "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" Reviews

Tonight at midnight marks the wide theatrical release of Transformers 2: Megan Fox, the sequel to the movie Transformers 1: Sure, Why Not.  Most major reviews are in already.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen as many reviewers have as much fun writing about a movie as I have here: “It’s like being hit over the head repeatedly with a very expensive, very loud train set.”  Most of the reviews feature an analogy between the viewing experience and being abused with an appliance.  The funniest Transformers metaphors, after the jump.  Watching this movie is…  

“…like standing in the middle of a dust storm and opening your eyes to let the grit pour in.” (CinemaBlend)

“…like watching someone else play a video game for two-and-a-half hours.” (DigitalSpy)

“…like Bay’s attempt to outdo virtually every action set piece of the past three decades at the same time, and that’s sort of a reason to love him: his ambition runs a mile long and an inch deep. Remember the scene in The Dark Knightwhere Batman goes to Hong Kong? Well, what if that scene, like, had Transformers in it? Or the climax of Titanic, where the upended ship bobs vertically in the water as passengers hang on for dear life? Hanging Transformers would make that much better.” (Cinematical)

“…like watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan.” (The Guardian)

The Awl wins the award for Most Elaborate Transformers-Watching Conceit: “Have you ever fallen into a city-sized Cuisinart that is grinding its way through a vast Chinese scrap metal field and had your face abraded with shards of aluminum and eyelash-size scraps of rusty torn iron, so all the skin is peeling off your face, your delicate nose-bones being flayed by grinding gear bits and yesterday’s shredded microchips and at the same time that song “Citizen Soldier” from the National Guard commercials is blaring at top volume, and somewhere in the distance you can see that “The Hurt Locker” is screening for no good reason and there is sand inside what remains of your teeth and then Megan Fox float-flounces by (like the cow in “Twister”!) with her nipples nearly pouring out of her crop-top camisole…”