“Disneyland Jack Sparrow” Is the Number One Job for MILF Lovers

Nerve recently located an illuminating year-old story about the perks and perils of being a Disneyland Jack Sparrow.  The downside: working for Disney is draining because “they’re Nazis in Mickey hats” who are borderline-obsessive in docking employees for every little demerit, from getting to work late (in L.A. traffic) to hanging out with other “characters” in public.  The upside?

Here’s a napkin someone wrote on for me: “I will give you a blow job on your break, so sexy! Kim—714-XXX-XXXX.” I would also get offers from women in my ear: “Anything you want, just find me.” I had a girl who had turned 18 the day before. She was with a high school group, and she wrote down her room number at the Downtown Disney hotel. I had a lady hump my leg one day in the park.

The piece describes in detail the auditioning process:

Thirty-seven actors showed up that day, four of us in costume. Only eight were chosen for the next round.

As well as Disney’s rules for character presentation.  For Jack, act like Keith Richards, but never mention booze or sex.

Obviously he is based on Keith Richards, who’s always messed up, which is why they came up with the class. “Don’t be flirtatious,” they told us. “See women as trouble.” And they said as far as alcohol goes, don’t even mention drinking. But the Pirates of the Caribbean song is all about drinking, and they’re drinking all along the ride. So I eventually broke that rule, because it would have taken me out of character. When parents took pictures, I’d say, “Everyone say ‘rum,’ ” and the parents loved it. The kids would just ask, “What’s rum?”

Another major no-no was inter-character interaction.  Disney has a “DDD – Don’t Date Disney” policy, but the Jack Sparrow narrating this article eventually wanted Ariel to be part of his world, so they had to hide their relationship.  Kind of like in the movie, but in the movie, the main obstacle was that she couldn’t walk.

And finally, YouTube is the most exacting boss of all:

There is a big thing in the park about not being visually linked to another character. You’re told to stay in your area. But Pluto was a friend of mine, and one day he came over to see me. We posed for photos, and the next day he told me it was on YouTube. Eventually he got fired.

Hanging with criminals like Jack Sparrow does seem a little out of character for Pluto.  Goofy, I could see.

Source: L.A. Magazine.