Brooke Hogan Sings with the Angels on New Album Cover

We promote updated mythologies to grapple with new difficulties.  Thus, it has been clear for some time that the Jesus of our age is Steve-O and the beneficent, all-seeing Lord is Whoopi Goldberg (Holy Ghost = Heath Ledger).  But the other figures in the pantheon are less certain.  A definitively beatific mother Mary, for instance, has yet to shine through (Susan Boyle?).  St. Paul the huckster apostle finds an obvious avatar in Joe Francis, but what of St. Peter?  And who will be our Mary Magdalene?

I think we may finally have the answer to the last question: Brooke Hogan.  Mary Magdalene, if you remember your Sunday school lessons, was a call girl whom everyone hated.  And they were throwing stuff at her until Jesus was like, yeah but let he who is without sin cast the first stone.  And they were like, I see your point Jesus, but I mean just look at this woman.  Anyway, yeah, Brooke Hogan.   She’s releasing a new album!  I think you will enjoy the album cover, ATJ.   As my roommate put it, “It looks like it was originally painted on a van.”

And a few fun pictures of Brooke with her child bride.

Source: The Superficial.