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The Five Most Terrifying Foods from a Can
Today I came across a curious supermarket product (on the internet, I mean; I do all my real-life food shopping at Boston Market) called Sweet Sue’s Whole Canned Chicken. Literally three pounds of straight-up whole chicken right there in a can. You can buy them on Amazon in a six-pack for $49.99. As you can see in the picture, it looks like a hippo getting an abortion. I can’t imagine anyone eating one of these, ever, much less six of them. More canned chicken and four other delicious dinners that will withstand the Apocalypse, after the jump.
I also found a messageboard discussing Sweet Sue’s Canned Chicken. The first post:
This is an unbelievable treat. A whole 3 + lb Chicken in a Can. Best tasting chicken I ever eaten. I send them to my boy in Afghanistan. He is the most popular guy on Mail day. Great for camping and first dates.
Afghanistan makes sense – the nom du jour for this sort of thing is “enhanced interrogation.” But a first date? Are you serious? “Yeah dinner and a movie could be fun, but I thought that instead we might stay in and watch my pet lobsters fight. Maybe crack open a sixer of Sweet Sue’s.”
Cheeseburger in a Can:
The already-notorious cheeseburger in a can is a German delicacy. Perhaps you’re familiar with the practice of “keistering.” All I’ll say is it’s a very effective and unpleasant way to insert methamephematine into your body. This cheeseburger appears to come pre-keistered.
Silkworm Pupae:
Seasoned with love and nestled in a can, these silkworm maggots are like popcorn in Korea. Apparently they are sold by street vendors. Also good for dates, if you’re dating Tony Bourdain or a corpse.
Jellied Eels:
Look at the packaging: Bradley’s Traditional Jellied Eels – Ready to Eat! Yeah… ready to eat your face.
Fish Mouths:
What’s that monster in Return of the Jedi that Luke has to fight in Jabba the Hutt’s dirty basement? This looks like that. I would buy this stuff and put it in fun places around my house for friends to discover. The glove box, the shower drain, on their chests while they sleep…
Additional pic sources: Wisebread, Fun Fever.
Posted In:
canned food, cheeseburger in a can, jellied eels, silkworm pupae, sweet sue's whole canned chicken, weird canned food
Euhh, pardon me for sayin this but tht shet is funken nasty. I don’t even know if my dog would eat this stuff. This is why I went vegetarian for almost one year. Where’s the spam? imo, it’s up there too.
Chicken in a can – just like mother used to make. And you wonder why my family is [was] fat and why it makes me so cheery….
Good stuff, Maynard. It is all to obvious that all you squeamish wimps are stay at home momma boys or girls. I travel the world and eat stranger food that this. This is mild stuff compared to what I devour. How about scorpions, and tarantulas. Crickets and live worms. Yum.
And I see that Amazon offers “Gift-wrap available” for the chicken. Hmmm, my moth-in-law likes chicken.
The review and customer pics on Amazon are worth more than I could ever say here.
I’ve been building chicken coops and hen houses since I was a young man
I was raised with ‘Sweet Sue canned chicken’ and she makes Chicken and Dumplings as well and it is wonderful and not something that is horrid as you make it out to be. When you are young and have little to eat it is a great start to a meal and can be utilized in soup as well. I am looking for this in the stores and hope I find it again…. would be like old times for me. I feel no one should say something is bad until you try it. Open a can of salmon and tell me you would not be turned off by the bones but yet it is easily remedied once the bones are taken out.
2010 is fast becoming an age of foreclosures and homeless people and will only continue to get worse and food like this may be a lovely meal for someone who has no home and is hungry. We cannot afford to be particular in this day and age and grant you this might not be everyones cup of tea but I, for one, feel it is a useful commodity and no worse then spam in the can.
Huh that was weird, my first post didn’t work. No matter, I just wanted to say that it’s good to know that someone else also touched on this as it was difficult finding the same info elsewhere. Yours was the first place that clarified this for me. Thanks.