D!CKS! D!CKS! And More D!CKS!

Ah, Japan. Where “weird” is “normal,” and “normal” is “awesome.” Way awesome.

This photo of two old ladies seen here fiending for d!ck was snapped over the weekend at Kanamara Matsuri, Japan’s “Steel Phallus Festival”.

This fertility festival attracts individuals from all over the world, who celebrate with, what else, but phallic-shaped objects, such as foods and statues, shaped to resemble the penis.

The Shinto shrine, located at the center of the festivities, was once favored among prostitutes who prayed for safekeeping from STDs. Proceeds from the world’s largest penis festival are used to raise money for HIV research.  

Dude, this is what life is all about. No, not dicks. Culture.

Every time I see photos of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian blowing the royalty checks from their worthless sex tapes on meaningless items, like diamonds for their Bentley’s dashboard and another pair of leggings, I find myself wanting to punch puppies. Which, is pretty severe, ’cause, let’s face it, puppies are pretty effing awesome.

If I was fortune enough to have the incomes these succubuses pull in, my Rican ass would be traveling all over the world experiencing different cultures and foods. (And d!cks.) How cool would it be to tell your grandchildren when you’re old and grey, “There were hundreds and hundreds of people there, all of them with some sort of penis-shaped object wedged between their lips and legs. The best part was these two old Asian ladies. One of them held a foot-long penis cookie in her hand, while she stuck her tongue out as if to lick it.”

Seriously, would that not be totally awesome? But no, I’m about to start giving handjobs to pay my bills, while Paris and Kim blow their money on more useless shit.

Image Source: SplashNews