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Who's Pleasing Their Mini-Heisman?
Hey guys, I’m Beef, the newest addition to this f*cked up writing staff. And the one thing that could get me off quicker than sports, is a Victoria’s Secret model. That’s why, my first post is going to be about athlete’s girlfriends.
This weekend, college football will present the Heisman Trophy to one of these pussy-fearing jocks. I don’t care who gets it. I just want to make sure that they are using all of that football god status to get some fine split-tail.
Here is my assessment:
Sam Bradford – Oklahoma – Now that his acne has cleared up, this guy just likes to tease the girls that used to ignore him. He is close to being closet virgin with a tiny penis, but now that he’s going to the BCS game, he probably gets laid morning, noon, and night. The girls probably imagine it bigger now too.
Tim Tebow – Florida – He’s definitely getting his willy wet. I don’t care how religious you are. His girlfriends melons can be worshipped. I would just like to know if he’s straying? It would be a damn shame if he’s not, because you know his girlfriend’s skank ass would.
Colt McCoy – Texas – Colt is getting to 2nd base, which he cries about, afterward. Great quarterback, but while him and Shipley are watching Brokeback Mountain in their dorm-room, his girlfriend is probably out giving HJ’s to anyone that doesn’t look like a Keebler elf.
Posted In:
colt mccoy, colt mccoy's girlfriend, Heisman Girlfriends, rachel glandorf, sam bradford, tebow's girlfriend
Tim Tebow is the most overrated sorry SOB that ever played college football! You guys speak of him like he’s this rock star who gets all the hot chick, and for why? He’s got an anvil shaped head, preaches anti-vagina rhetoric, and hasn’t done anything! The hot chick pictured above with him isn’t even his girlfriend; she’s just a stand in to hide the fact that he’s gay. Too bad USC lost to Oregon because I’d love to “Tebow Time” get knocked on his sorry ass
1. You guys lost to Oregon State, not Oregon, you killed them.
2. HOLD UP. I hate Tebow too, but he’s a great football player. He was supposed to commit to my alma-mater, but didn’t at the last second. (Figure that one out, guys.) That is his girlfriend, although he will deny it publicly that he has one. The thing that pisses me off most about him is that he doesn’t sling more tail.
3. Your boy Sanchez at USC should be getting it too.