Great Sex 101 According To Bikini-Clad Kristen Bell

Dear Prudes,

Let me just start out by saying I can’t believe you b*tches exist!  Relationships are more than just money and diamonds.  They’re also about pearl necklaces and sacrifice!

This weekend me and my slightly attractive boyfriend Dax Shepard thought we’d give all you goody goodys a lesson on the true value of pearl necklaces and how to please your man.

First off, if you’re not going to let the man leave his scent on you, you should at least let him leave his mark somewhere other than your belly button.  Here are some core target zones guaranteed to make him keep cumming back for more.

First you have yourself the ass shot.  This usually comes in handy when doing it doggie style.  Next we have what I like to call The Dripping Faucet.  Essentially you make like an eagle and spread and let his faucet runneth over.

And last but not least, the boys really seem to like this one, there’s the classic pearl necklace.  Some might say this one is kind of degrading, but if it makes you feel any better you can just put on a real pearl necklace before he does his thing.

And there you have it, Great Sex 101 according to me,

Kristen Bell

XOXO