Jessica Alba Whines To Cosmo Magazine

The bitch finally smiled?!  Sorry, I’m bitter.  Let’s move on now.

Jessica Alba did a couple Q&As for next month’s British issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine where she sounded less than happy, yet again.

On being pregnant: “I never felt less sexy. I mean, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world … but I wanted to get rid of all the weight.”

On tricking Cash Warren into marrying him by using a turkey baster on herself: “I never thought I’d find a man before 30, let alone marry him and have his baby. I always used to meet the wrong guys – the ones who wanted to hang out for a week and see how far they could get. If you didn’t have sex in the first few days, you were either frigid or a lesbian. So I held out – and, boy, am I glad I did!”

On how she never used men for sex even though one year ago she told Cosmo she was all about the one-night stands: “I don’t like double standards. I’d never use a man for sex but I can understand why some women would – I don’t see why they should be criticised for having the same attitude as men.”

Someone ought to check Alba into the clinic asap. Sounds like she left her tampon inside herself a little to long and is suffering from Toxic Shock Syndrome or some crap.

For those of you who may not remember, around this time last year Jessica told Cosmpolitan that she was all about the one-night stands, despite her telling Cosmo this year that she’d never used a man for sex.

Jessica Alba should strongly consider smoking the ganja from time to time.  Homegirl really needs to chill the f^ck out.  Check out these photos below of her and Cash out and about.  Maternal glow*… What’s that? Exactly.

*I take that back. She actually does crack a smile in a couple of these.  Methinks she must have farted.  In other news, she looks pretty good for having just popped out a kid last month. Bitch.