Hump Wednesdays: Pornography and Relationships
April 2nd, 2008
By: Melysa
The other day as I perused the Internet I came across a 2005 New York Magazine article on OneAngryGirl.net regarding pornography and relationships.
In it’s opening line the author writes “There are many reasons couples break up, but a new, increasingly common, one is that one partner becomes obsessed with Internet pornography”.
Now, as I read the article I find myself gritting my teeth in frustration, because nowhere in my mind can one convince me that porn affects relationships to such an extent.
Sure, the world of adult entertainment has most certainly infiltrated our everyday lives (see: Flisted, Rock of Love, George Clooney’s girlfriend, Flavor of Love, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, etc.), but at the end of the day I believe sex is a basic human instinct whose oddities will never be suppressed and it is that natural instinct that drives us.
That is to say, porn will not make a person’s boyfriend an inconsiderate asshole or a rapist. Chances are he was 99.9 percent born with the genetic predisposition.
The above story absolutely enrages me. When will people learn that you cannot change someone? It’s not a person choosing the computer, it’s the person choosing a to watch a fetish that their partner fails to deliver. In a nutshell, I do not believe pornography destroys relationships.
What I believe is that people consciously or subconsciously decide to ignore all warning signs of a incompatible relationship, in the end resulting in a failed relationship.
But that wasn’t the fault of pornography — it was their ignorant ass thinking someone could suddenly spend the rest of their lives being sexually dissatisfied, regardless of what fetish gets them off.
Continue after the jump!
I should point out that I’ve always been a fan of pornography. Having begun masturbating in kindergarten (I shit you not), I have always understood the instinctual desire that us as humans are capable of feeling. As a result of which, I am always quick to discuss the topic of pornography with any guys I date. They know right off the bat that I watch porn and if they have a problem with it they can go on about their merry way.
In college, I briefly dated this guy who had a hard time accepting my interest in pornography — especially when my friends and I would head to X-Mart, the 24-hour adult superstore, and get stoned and watch “Trailer Trash Whores #4″ or “Clown F*ckers” simply because it was hilarious, but that’s a whole other story.
In the end I wind up discovering rape porn on his computer one day and, upon confrontation, he tried to explain it wasn’t his that he was just downloading and burning them for a friend of his that they weren’t really his. Riiiiigggghhht. And when I say rape porn, I don’t mean “rape porn”, as in “staged”, I mean snuff, in the bottom of a basement, somewhere in Eastern Europe rape porn. Needless to say, we broke up that night.
![Gayness: China. A young actor (receiver) and scholar (giver) [both male].](http://flisted.files.wordpress.com/gay.thumbnail.jpg)
My own personal approach to pornography is this: I want to know up front who you really are. If you want your ass licked, if you are into deep throating, if you want to participate in threesomes, then I want to know. Because ultimately what drives a relationship to fail isn’t that he or she was looking at porn, it’s that they really dig that fetish and it’s never going to change whether you like it or not.
Just think about it, when most of us watched “2 Girls, 1 Cup”, I think it’s safe to say, the average person wasn’t creaming their panties and getting boners. But that’s because most of us don’t get off on watching two dumb broads shit on each other and eat it. Why? Because it’s gross. And no amount of exposure will change that.
And to better illustrate how fetishes have lived and been practiced long before Internet pornography, I’ve included some Pan-Asian kink from the 1800s courtesy of Rotten.com. Be sure to check them out. They’re awesomely uncomfortable and very very very interesting, to say the least. Oh, and yeah, probably NSFW.
XOXO
Your Perverted Female Editor,
F-Listed.com
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Agree or disagree with what I had to say? Leave a comment and let me know. Because if there’s one thing I love is talking about sex. Specifically, I want to talk sex with YOU. So go ahead, try me. And if there’s any topic you want me to explore on Hump Wednesdays, feel free to hit me up here.
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I agree and disagree with you.
I totally agree that people should be up front about what their desires are. If you want something, you have to let your partner know. I would not want my guy to keep me in the dark about something I could easily satisfy and have him, instead, look at porn to satisfy a particular kink.
That am also not someone who believes that masturbation ends when a relationship begins. Your own private sex life can, and should, continue regardless of whether you are with someone or not. It only becomes a problem if someone is routinely opting for solo time instead of together time, which I doubt happens often except when porn is involved.
I do know people who have encountered this issue, though, where their guy is routinely turning down sex with them because he is too tired from having spent all day jacking it online. This is a true porn addiction, and is not a “healthy” or normal experience. Even when it isn’t pervasive, I admit to being thoroughly incomfortable with the idea of my guy looking at porn because I cannot compete with the bodies of meth-addicts with implants. My attitude is that if you are going to look at me naked, then it has to just be me. I am self-conscious enough about my body without knowing I am compared to people I can’t possibly compete with. It affects my sex life, my desire and comfort, negatively. My feeling is that if it bothers me enough to detract from my sex life with my partner, then my partner should respect that and refrain. I should also note that I am perfectly willing to make my own pics and videos for him, and am very sexually giving.
I don’t know how much is really your opinion and how much is just blog-fodder, but it seems that you may enjoy looking at both men and women for equal sexual gratification. You might not feel the same insecurity as other women feel if you are enjoying the perfect bodies of these porn queens in a way that perhaps we are not. Just food for thought.
Pardon my typos.
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