Is Jessica Alba Having Rosemary’s Baby?

A frightening thought occurred to me: What if Jessica Alba’s baby was Satan? That would explain why she hides from the paps. She’s afraid she might see a cross and spontaneously combust into flames. Or maybe she’s just crabby because she’s on her period. Oh, wait.

Wouldn’t it be grand if — while Jessica is busy concentrating her efforts for a “brown baby” — out pops that gingerhead kid from “Problem Child“. As in, the actual kid.

Same age and everything. Scientists will then have to conduct tests in order to determine how a Latina-in-denial and black boyfriend gave birth to a red-headed devil. In the process it will be discovered that Alba’s uterus is actually the Fountain of Youth, which would explain why the boy never aged. How he got in uterus remains a mystery.

PS – For all you fools who don’t know how to navigate a gossip site, it was Jessica Alba herself who said SHE wished for a “brown baby”, NOT me. So before you illiterates start calling me a racist, learn how to click on links. And in case you aren’t aware, you can’t see someone’s skin color via a computer screen.

Here’s Jessica Alba leaving a gym in Beverly Hills yesterday.

More photos after the jump!