Ashlee Simpson Doesn’t Swallow, Wentz Still Gay

Ashlee Simpson might be pregnant, which proves what I’ve thought all along: Girlfriend isn’t a fan of the salty goodness that is delicious gooey jizz flowing down one’s throat. Prude.

Via her gay boyfriend Pete Wentz’ stupid ass blog:

Asshole number one (i.e., Pete): So I was thinking, what can Pete Wentz the celebrity do to make a difference? What can Ashlee Simpson do to make a difference?

I was thinking Africa, something with Africa. But Africa seems too f^cking hot. Besides, what do I get out of doing something for Africa? Then I was thinking of doing something for Katrina over in New Orleans, but they’d only fly me in coach.

But the biggest problem facing out generation is the illegal download of music. And then I thought, I know what I’ll do, I’ll make a fucking baby. Because you can’t download a baby.

So here’s our answer on how to make the world a better place.

Asshole number two (i.e., Ashlee): Baby, get me my Cheetos!

Asshole number one: Street date, July 2008.

FYI, I wasn’t the one to call them asshole one and two. They chose that for themselves. I’m sure they think it’s ironic or some bull because in all reality they’re so uber cool, but they’d be mistaken.

The rumor of Ashlee’s pregnancy is further fueled by rumors the couple is engaged. This comes after camera’s caught sight of what’s thought to be an engagement ring during an album signing of hers yesterday.

Me? I think it’s all a publicity stunt to help her crappy album. Honestly, do you know single person who wants this album? Exactly.

See the video of their pregnancy announcement here.

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